Re: The Complaints Thread >:(

[Guest]

I also express my sympathies for your dog. Our dog died of cancer nearly 8 years ago now.

[Eternity]

Is it human to be so afraid? Or am I too afraid to be human?
Has being let down before now prevented me from bearing blind faith?

I wish I could spill my soul for all to see.

[Raven]

Sometimes I can't understand how people can live through their days and do the acts they do. The acts that are cruel and mean. The ones that are selfish. I cannot stand to hurt ones feelings, I can't possibly believe that these people who harm me- When I have done nothing but be kind and nice to these people- live without it bothering them.

Im so confused, and lost. Wish people could just sit back and take a look at what they do.

[Lara]

I sprained - possibly more than sprained - my ankle last night after finally getting back from the band weekend from Hell. =/ I fell down the last few steps of the bus and blew it off for about an hour because I could hobble around on it, but after making it to my dorm's lounge I found I couldn't get back up. My friends took me to the hospital shortly after, and I'm sitting here now in an air splint with my torture devices crutches next to me...

The hospital told me it was just a sprain and that I was to stay off it for a few days, but my friends - including one who's a certified EMT and, upon taking a look at my ankle told me immediately that I needed to go to the hospital - believe it might be more than that.

Because my ankle, I can't march tonight, and we have a high school festival to perform at. However, I still have to be there in my uniform, and I need to play my instrument...and I have no idea how I'm going to do it. It's been crazy just getting around on these things; it took me an hour to complete a ten-minute-max walk, so I was late by a half hour to a class I had a test in (though I guess I'm lucky that he let me take it after class) and I ended up skipping my next class because there was no way I could get across campus in time for the class.

I'm trying to work out how I'm going to get around for the next few days. I have a lot of classes within ten minutes of each other clear across campus.

[Kathryn Lacey]

Aww. Lara, I'm sorry. That has to suck. I've never sprained my ankle, but I value walking, and I'm sorry you can't march tonight or anything. =\

[Lara]

I'm pissed off right now. (/end summary)

As I said before, I did something to my ankle. I was given crutches. I succeeded in making it to my first class with said crutches, though it took me an hour when it should have taken me ten minutes, and I was in a massive amount of pain - not from my bad ankle, but from my good foot, which is still upset from the amount of time I spent on it while wearing a flat-footed shoe. I literally sat down on anything I could possibly sit on and get up from along the way, and around the halfway point I actually called my mom in tears because I didn't think I could handle doing it all day.

I stayed in the same building as my first class in order to go to my 2:00 class and after that, finally left the building with a friend and managed to make it to a nearby building. My good foot was starting to act up again just from the short walk, and my friend decided that it would be easier for me with a wheelchair than crutches. I didn't entirely want the chair, but I knew I wouldn't be able to handle getting across campus with the crutches.

She ended up getting the chair, and I used it for the rest of the day yesterday and all of today. Yesterday wasn't so bad; people were just asking me what was wrong, how I did it, yadda yadda. I even switched my chair for the crutches of the other injured band member after we finished performing at the festival and slowly made my way back to my car while she used the chair since I saw she was in pain too.

Today, I nearly cried, and I nearly threw up from how angry I got. People were making jabs at me all day, and though they were jokes and all in good fun, I don't appreciate being called a klutz and a gimp all day long. And last night, my two friends get in the elevator with me and my friend who was helping me back to my room and were all "hey, we have a funny joke for you! You know how you were making fun of us yesterday? Well...you fell off a bus! Haha!"

.... But yeah. I was set off the edge today. Around 3 or 4, I'm sitting with a friend in a lounge area on campus and we have the following conversation:

Her: ....Wow, this is...interesting...
Me: What?
Her: Have you seen this kid's status?
Me: -checking- ...Yeah, what about it? It doesn't seem that bad to me.
Her: Not that one, the one below it.

So I read it. And the kid's status is "Really.....a wheel chair??? A little dramatic!" Which ticked me off to no end because I'm sorry that I'm using a chair for something as small as a sprained ankle, but if using the crutches causes me pain, what the hell do you care if I use the chair?! It wasn't even like I was making a big deal that I was in it. I went to band yesterday with the chair and joked that I was using it because it was "more fun than the crutches". Which, at the time, it was. I could be making a much bigger stink about it, but I'm not. Or at least I don't think I am.

But more than the initial status, what pissed me off even more was the people who were liking it and what the other people were commenting on it. Hell, one of the people who commented the latest on it, I sat with today for about two hours joking and having a good time with while playing cards with my friend. And past that, when my friend defended me by telling them to stop being so rude, the original poster responded with "It's Facebook, I can do what I want". Cold blood fury, I tell you.

I didn't ask for the chair. I'm sorry that I'm using it, I'm sorry that I can't use the crutches without finding myself in tears, I'm sorry that I missed that step on the bus and fell. But you know what? You're all still a bunch of jerks.

I'm at the point where I'm not going to any of my classes tomorrow. I emailed all my teachers, I warned a handful of my friends and my parents, and I'm going to avoid people tomorrow. We'll see how things go. I just hope that if and when I do see any of the people currently infuriating me, I don't go up and punch them in the face like I really, really want to right now.

[Silvan Arrow]

Lara, I'm so sorry all of this has happened to you. You shouldn't feel any embarrassment over using the wheelchair, especially when using crutches causes you so much pain. You're probably doing the smart thing by taking the extra pressure off your good foot and saving yourself a bunch of problems down the road. And I know this will sound cliche, but true friends will understand and not poke fun at you for it. If they're just making jokes in good fun and don't know how much it upsets you, then I would hope that they'll understand and stop if you tell them. I really hope you make a speedy recovery and that the upcoming days get easier for you. And by all means, feel free to continue venting. We all need to vent sometimes.

Here's a get-well hug!

[Lara]

Thank you, Silvan. I'm sorry I need to take you up on that so quickly.

To top the emotional trainwreck I've been involved in today, I've been trying to convince my friend not to drink herself into oblivion for the past 45 minutes.

My friend messaged me first around 9 p.m. with the message of "I should not be left to my own devices." Knowing that she's been going through a really rough time and that she was already talking a few hours ago about going back to her apartment and taking enough meds to put herself to sleep, I immediately told her that she should come over to my house. She responded by saying that she wasn't in any state to drive, and so I promised that I'd call a mutual friend and ask for their help, despite said friend having had an awful day herself.

I called her and told her what my friend had messaged me. She was slow to respond and even then it was with a sigh and a "whatever... I'll be right over." So I assumed that she was on her way and told my friend that, as well as told her to chat with me while we both waited since I couldn't get to her myself (she lives across campus in an apartment, and the friend I called was the only one I knew with a car who I could call this late).

Apparently, said friend never came through. My friend stopped messaging me until 12:04, when the text came in saying "I love how I asked for help then passed out on my porch (outside in the cold) for a few hours...and nothing changed." We exchanged a few more text messages with her telling me how she "doesn't know the point to anything is anymore" and how I shouldn't even think "about me asking for help anymore. I tried that, it didn't work." She then followed it up with announcing that she was going to "fix another drink, take some more medicine...and hope I pass out somewhere inside my house".

I thought I made some progress after a while because she started messaging me about getting food, and I started working on convincing her to come back to my dorm if she had to go out and get anything. My roommate even offered to drive my friend's car from the dorm to food and back to the dorm if need be, and I offered up blankets, pillows, and comfort if she wanted it. I thought she'd say yes, but when I asked if she was coming over she responded with "No. I'm going to get food. and coming back and seeing how much bad it takes for me to pass out again."

That was the last I've heard from her tonight. I got that text at 12:41. It's 12:59 now. In a delayed message I told her to at least let me know that she got back to her apartment alright, but I have no idea if she'll actually text me before she goes through with her plan.

I feel awful because I can't get to her myself because of this stupid ankle and how I don't know anyone who could get to her themselves because the one person I thought I could count on bailed.

I'm really, really worried about her.

Edit: 1:10, just got her "I'm home, I'm going to pass out now" text. I let her know again that I'm here if she needs anything, and...I guess I have to hope for the best.

Edit 2: She told me to try and get a hold of her tomorrow, because she doesn't think she should be by herself all day. Alright. I feel a little better that she's still willing to ask me for help in that aspect.

[Eternity]

<Arie>: I had a shitty day at work, was excited to come home, and now I have made an asshat of myself,
<Arie>: and jeezus
<Arie>: I wish I could do ONE thing right
<Arie>: be it fucking bagging goldfish
<Arie>: or men
<Arie>: or math
<Arie>: fack
<Arie>: facking fack
<Arie>: to the fifth facking power.

<Arie>: and I'm worried about the SAT that I have to be up early for
<Arie>: >< Grar.
<Arie>: and I'm thinking now that my paycheck after all this work is going to be less than 150 - 200 hundred bucks
<Arie>: which is better than nothing, don't get me wrong
<Arie>: but for what I've done, and originally having been told a few hundred dollars
<Arie>: that's depressing
<Arie>: ESPECIALLY
<Arie>: since I'm supposedly going to take out fifty to buy pumpkins and carving tools to carve jack-o-lanterns to sell
<Arie>: because I'm so desparate for cash
<Arie>: and if no one buys those
<Arie>: I've spent a week of my life trying to make money to see loki and it turns into one hundred measly dollars and a damn porchful of angry pumpkin faces

Yeah, I think that about sums it up.

[Eternity]

I think I got a low score on my SAT. I didn't bring pencil or calculator, and without scrap paper or the calc, I could only accomplish about five math problems that required me to write out the math on my skin with a sharp pencil and wait for the lines to turn red so I could see the answers I worked out. And my hands still sting a little from the goldfish gig at the fair, so when I was writing my essay, my hand kept going numb or hurting every time I picked up the pencil, and I didn't finish. It took a total of 6 and a half hours for the SAT testing, including the breaks, room assignments, and etc crap.

I've got a lot on my mind. I think I'm about to hurt myself, I think I'm about to do something damned stupid, and I don't know what to do to stop myself. I just, wish I could scream and all of it would come out then, all of everything in me. I wish people could unhinge me, and take me apart, and see the clockwork within.

[Silvan Arrow]

Did the proctors not provide scrap paper for the math sections? It's been years since I took the SAT, but I know that I had some way of writing out my work; I just can't remember if it was in the test booklet or if I had scrap paper. If it's any consolation, lots of people who take the SAT get lower scores on the math section but then pull it up in the verbal section. Knowing you and your writing ability, I'm sure you did wonderfully on verbal. The good thing about the SAT is that you can retake it to improve your score, so at the very least you can consider this one as practice. The second time around should be much easier now that you know what to expect.

I'm sorry you had to take the SAT in such rough shape. It sucks taking tests when I'm not feeling well or in physical pain. If you've got some free time, my advice would be to play some mindless video games, listen to music, or just write for fun (if it doesn't hurt your hands too much). Write-ranting helps me when stuff bottles up for too long.

[Guest]

Reading these.. makes me want to not post because I feel I cannot even compare my small little complains to the shit you guys are going through... how ever I have been through my fair share of the world taking a dump on my face.

Arie...
<3

Err thing is gunna be okay. No one... is dying. WHICH FOR ME IS A REALLY GOOD STATE! XDD

although.. Chelsea caught a stinky cold...which means like.. no .. cuddly time..and stuffs.. :/
I DO ANYWAYS bwahaha.

:/
<3 everyone

STAY ON THE SUNNY SIDE!

[Eternity]

Spoiler:

[Gadreille]

This year has been a year of death and struggle. I do not believe things are going to "just turn up", like everyone says. I'm prepared for the worst, but the worst frightens me.

[Eternity]

Things are getting better, but stuff still hurts. In the past month, I lost both my lover, and my best friend. And now that I've lost that, I feel like my old friend might be slipping away. I don't know if it's because I don't know what to say or how to act, but jeez, I still want his friendship. He still means something to me...

Sometimes I miss him. Just talking to him, and seeing his smile. Overall, through everything and the pain, he was still good to me...

[Lucian 'The Wolf' Harth]

I complain that I haven't been on this site as much as I should be. Shame on me. I'm going to have to do something about that.

[xraineyesx]

I complain about the same thing as Lucian.

I also complain about being sore all over and not moving very well from the car wreck Monday night, which makes me complain about wet, curvy roads and bald tires and friends who don't keep good tires on their car and then lose control and almost drive us off a cliff but then don't because they spun as around the other way and drove us face first into a tree. Yay. (Sarcasm much?)

I complain about the storms here, which, don't get me wrong, I love storms, but not when the power goes out and I need that, because it's pitch black and we aren't allowed to have candles in the dorms. Mostly it's just annoying because it's on and off.

[Eternity]

Got my SAT scores back. They were not bad, actually average, but I can do so much better. I was under so much stress when I took them, I'll have to retake them to achieve the advanced score I want.

As well, I've been blogging again, getting things out and off of my chest... It's interesting and a little sad to finally pick out one by one the emotions I've been bottling up. I really see the effects of my past decisions, and what they've done to me now that I'm stable enough to draw them out and analyze my actions...

[Lucian 'The Wolf' Harth]

I complain that I've lost my awesome six pack to beer. It is now but a mere normal six pack.

-Sigh-

Time to do some sit ups.

[xraineyesx]

Eternity, I recommend retaking them. They can have a huge affect on college's acceptance/scholarships and such, so you want a great score. Good luck on that.

I complain about cold weather. I detest cold weather. Grr.

I also complain about my bad habit of leaving my coffee cups around my desk. I took a drink from my cup from yesterday - spoiled milk in it! Yuck! This is my fault. So I'm complaining about myself, haha.

[Eternity]

Ugh. Damn I hate this damn darkness. It eats me up like I'm dinner, and it swallows me whole and spits out my bones. I hate feeling like I'll never be reconstructed again, and I hate feeling like sometimes I want life to end. I hate being depressed and pretending to be happy when I'm not. I can't keep ignoring the truth of how much my life is nothing but a goddamn failure. All I can do to feel like I'm afloat is to just joke and be super perverted and act like nothing's changed... And if I hear about _____ _ again, I'm going to rob all the damn stores that sell it within a 300 mile radius and make a giant burning of the discs.

[xraineyesx]

I complain about this week not being over yet. I just want it to be the weekend, no classes, no meetings, no where to be at a certain time. I wish it wasn't cold and raining. I wish I wasn't surrounded by the negativity all the time from these people here who can't do anything but complain (I realize I'm complaining right now, but I don't do it every second of every day. I'm actually an optimistic person usually.)

I wish it was Thanksgiving break. I just need to be around people I like and who have fun and like life and aren't depressing, moody, bitchy people 24/7.

And minor note, it's raining and I have to go walk through it for frackin' choir. I don't feel like singing today. Grr!

End rant.

[Silvan Arrow]

I complain about the boatload of work that stands between me and Thanksgiving break. I have a lab report due tomorrow that's going insanely slowly, a presentation on Monday, another presentation on Tuesday, a 30-minute mini-lecture next Monday, a major test next Tuesday, and a research proposal to start writing that counts for 25% of my ecology grade. Not to mention I haven't touched my stack of grading, and I want to have my proposal written before I go home for Thanksgiving so I can actually spend my break with my family and hanging out with my crush instead of in my room slaving over a hot laptop. And don't even get me thinking about finals. UGH...

[Eternity]

I am a magnet.

... For pain. Good Lord, I must have "Stab me here" written on my back. Eh, I'm so warped out of my mind...

Woot woot.

[xraineyesx]

That sounds absolutely horrid, Silvan.

Sowwy, Arie. Hugs?

I complain about... well, freakin' everything. I hate this place and its negativity. I am seriously considering taking a semester off right now. I complain that my best friends are at each others throats and wont talk to one another and are putting me in the middle, playing tug'o'war and expecting me to be able to fix everything, like I should be able to run their effing lives. Ugh. I just want to beat both of them down. I am so tired of being screamed at about their stupid drama. It feels like I'm the one getting yelled at when in reality they're yelling at each other via me. And I'm tired of it.

[Eternity]

My mother doesn't talk to me anymore, unless I call her first, and usually it's just short conversations about doctors, "how's the married life?", and coming over to blockbuster to pick up rentals.

I lost a good friend that I had made over the summer.

I lost the man I learned to care about over the summer. And now we barely talk anymore, and I can't even remember what his voice sounds like.

None of my local friends give enough shit about me to ever call me, text me, or leave me a facebook message. Should I happen to want to see them, I have to get on my hands and knees and beg, and I think if I got down to beg one more time for something in my life, I'd collapse.

There is nothing to do in this town, I'm going nuts.

In the past two months, I've been rapidly gaining weight and going through bouts of illness... repetitively, and it sucks. I feel like my body is mimicking the same downfall as my mind.

Signing up for college makes me feel like the biggest idiot ever. I don't even know who to sign as my legal guardian at the moment, and I'm starting to doubt my financial aid full coverage is going to go through. Plus, at my last appointment with a counselor at the southside center made me feel like a damn twit because of how I acted, knew nothing to say, and didn't even know why I was there! I don't even want to start college here, I just want to get away from this place!

My father, every time he talks to me, is all "Let me show you how to do college, I got connections connections connections," but he doesn't understand why I won't let him. All he will do is pressure me about staying in state, and I don't want to. Stay near the family, and though I love them, I don't want to. If someone else calls me an idiot for still going to Ohio after I "broke up with Ben" as people think, I'm going to shoot myself.

Mr. and Mrs. Everett, kind as they are, are helping me. But they too pressure me, and saying no just makes me look ignorant as well, and sends me home feeling guilty and horrible, no one understands and can comprehend why I want to leave ASAP.

Yep, talking to a guy, and it's scaring the shit out of me. Every day I say stuff like "hope you don't leave me like every other man in my life", or "I hope you are real". These things always shock him, and I'm amazed he hasn't just up and shut me down yet, but if he wants to play with a broken doll, let him play with me then. Maybe if he's got some kind of heart, he can help me out in the long run, or maybe make up for the hurt I've been through. Poor boy gets hell from me though, I don't know why he sticks around and ever calls me back...

I think a mental breakdown is in order. And more ice cream. Lots and lots more ice cream. Ice cream, to recharge my pretend happy the rest of the world sees.

[xraineyesx]

Ice cream is about right. Tons and tons and TONS of ice cream.

Life sucks this week. Can I leave it at that? I need to go home. Asap.

[Silvan Arrow]

I suppose this isn't a complaint so much as a minor epiphany, but it's also not a celebration. Ergo, I figured it was more appropriate for this thread.

I haven't heard hide nor hair from my crush since last week, when we exchanged a couple of text messages. Our Halloween weekend was fantastic, but he hasn't made a single effort to contact me, either on Facebook or phone, since then. I know he's busy with schoolwork, but that excuse just doesn't fly with me anymore. Try keeping up with graduate school work AND teaching two labs a week AND grading papers AND looking for an advisor who will dictate the next two years of my life as well as have a hand in my future career, and then come talk to me about busy.

The silence from him has given me time to think and for my mind to clear from all the jumbled emotions so that I can finally see things logically. We're good friends, and that's probably all it's ever going to be. Unless something major changes, like he does a 180 or has an epiphany where he wants his career to bring him to where I'm living, I just don't see how we could ever have a life together even if we both wanted it. I'm not changing my plans or putting my life on hold for false hope, and I'm through with the unanswered phone calls. If he wants me in his life, in whatever fashion that may be, he knows where to find me. Otherwise, it's his loss. I have plenty of people right here where I live, my classmates and friends, who don't want to see me get hurt because of him, and other possibilities with the swing dance people that I hang with on the weekends.

It's a slow, painful process of letting go, but it's for the best. Part of me still misses him and is holding onto that hope, but that part gets smaller with every day that passes where I don't hear his voice. I'm just so tired of subconsciously binding my own happiness to the actions of someone else. I need to be satisfied with myself and secure in my relationship with God before I can let someone else into my life. And I suppose I'm more guarded now. It's going to take someone very special to prove to me that his feelings are genuine and that he's not going to freak out or backpedal just when my heart starts to open up to him. I've had that happen way too many times, and I'm not putting up with it anymore.

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get that off my chest.

[Tartra]

I have taken five days to reply to my own roleplay. The average turnaround time has been about every other day for the past while because of school/personal life/atrocious lack of sleep leading to endless space-out moments.

WHY WON'T YOU WRITE, TARTRA?

Eh. Not as serious as the rest of you, but a complaint's a complaint, right?

[Silvan Arrow]

Ugh, I've been so moody today. I get lonely every time I go to church by myself and sit in the back while everyone else is there with friends, family, significant others, etc. It gets rather hard to focus on the sermons when I'm craving the fellowship that I miss from my old church. I'm so stressed from all my work, and I haven't even touched my stack of grading in a week. My students have been emailing me with questions for their final projects, and I haven't responded yet and feel horrible for it. I'm also freaking out over this huge test I have on Tuesday.

I keep feeling like I'm going to start crying for no reason at all. Even now, I'm blinking back the tears and forcing the sobs back down into my stomach. No, it's not hormones. It's just a combination of work and school stress and the emotional stress of trying to let go of someone who still has a grip on my heart. Gosh, I just want this semester to be over so I can go home and try to get things straightened out in my head and my heart.

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