Re: The Complaints Thread >:(

[Kathryn Lacey]

People can be so rude about things like that. That situation would have been very frustrating for me, personally.

[Gadreille]

What's worse is that it is coming from a family member, and I don't think that family member will understand my point of view, even when others instantaneously understand how unkind the situation this person is putting me in is.

[Kathryn Lacey]

That sucks. Family members tend to feel entitled to free help by other family members. This is part of why I can't deal with being family oriented. XD

[Gadreille]

Hahaha, I know. And I don't mind helping people when they are in a pinch. But it's one thing to do a favor for someone that is in dire need, and another entirely to do a favor for someone because they don't want to pay for it. Honestly, that just makes me feel like my job isn't taken seriously.

[Kathryn Lacey]

:: sighs :: My youngest brother deleted me as his Facebook friend for calling his father an asshole after his father called him stupid.

I guess I should give some back story...

Spoiler:

TL;DR
I'm done trying to maintain a relationship with my little brothers when we have no common ground.

[Gadreille]

Something similar happened with me and my cousins. He's going to attack you because he's not ready to accept that his parent...sucks.

I think it's fine for you to back off but, i encourage you to be there if they DO ask for your help. At this time though, the best thing for your sanity is to just let them all go.

[Jag]

I for one complain that I no longer see my main nigga Knifey Keith around here anymore.

.... so it's not as heart-wrenching as Kathryn Lacey's story, yes. BUT GODDAMMIT I'M HURTING OVER HERE.

[Kathryn Lacey]

It's not a competition to see who has the shittier story to tell. hahah Just because I've got some extra-crappy stuff tossed into my life, it doesn't mean no one else has the right to complain about things.

You're right that Keith has been pretty scarce lately... Where has he gone?

[DracoMalfoy]

My mother's been very insufferable these past few months and I'm really at my wit's end with it. Her hostile behavior towards me, and my sister and father, has been ongoing since before Christmas and I'm about to burst. So, ignore me as I let out a few months worth of frustration.

Spoiler:

Long story short, my relationship with my mother is deteriorating and I'm quickly losing my interest in trying to save it.

[Gadreille]

My relationship with my mother felt like it was almost over until I moved out. I know, in this world, that is hard to do...but I have been out of the house since seventeen, and during hard times I moved in with my grandparents rather than back with my parents. I don't think my mother and I would have a functioning relationship otherwise...

It sounds as though your mother is controlling, and losing control. She sounds unstable, though if she's always been the way she is now, there is nothing for it. If she is getting worse, there could be an underlying condition. That's very little help to you, I know, but if you can drop a hint to your dad maybe it will be worth it.

There are probably a million excuses/reasons why you can't move out, and I get it, believe me. But it's really your only viable option besides just spending as much time as you can out of the house.

[Kathryn Lacey]

Oddly, I had a better relationship with my mother after I stopped living with her, too. My mom was bipolar, though, so I don't know if that makes a difference. I just know that when we moved out and didn't spend every day in the same space, we were a lot more civil toward one another. The times that we did see each other were a lot nicer (for the first couple of days) because of the time spent apart, too.

I agree with Gadreille that your mother's behavior may have some underlying condition attached. Have you spoken to your father about this, too? You said that he agrees that your mother's treatment is unfair, but have you discussed his silence in the matter when things are actually happening? It could be helpful. Maybe your mother would be more willing to listen to her husband than her children?

[DracoMalfoy]

Thanks to both of you. I will be moving out as soon as it becomes an option. A good friend and I are planning on attending the same university; we both work, so we are looking at apartment prices and wondering how we can manage. So, as soon as the door opens, I'll be out of the house.

I've talked to both my grandmother and my dad about my mom's behavior. My grandma is a bit bias towards me, but, she openly admits she's not sure why my mom is acting this way. There's nothing in her childhood that would suggest some deeper issues. And, though my dad does agree the treatment is less than fair, he brushes it off with "Mom's stressed." My dad has a weaker personality though. My mom is typically the one who's in charge of the household.

Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong or peculiar about my mother. Maybe I'm too close to the situation to see reality, but I just think she's emotionally oppressive/abusive/whatever you'd like to call it. This hasn't been a thing for too long. My dad recalls her being wonderful and delightful when they were younger. And I do remember her being sweet and motherly in my early childhood. I just believe she's a strong personality preying on a household of weaker personalities.

But, then again, I don't know much of anything.

[Guest]

\

[Knifey Keith]

Often times, such an abrupt change in behavior requires a catalyst of some sort.

100%.

My old man never really understood how his alcoholism was causing his family pain until he threw my mum out of a car. He was then in a position that he had to take a look at himself and face all the shit that he had done in the past, he realised that he was simply following in his own fathers footsteps of violence and self destruction.

Now he's 2 years sober, a completely different person. Someone that me and my sister are proud to call our father, hasn't been easy… But it's a better road to take then doing time for setting him on fire.

[Silvan Arrow]

Knifey Keith, wow, that is a really eye-opening story. I'm sorry you had to deal with an alcoholic father for so long, but I'm so glad he realized the error of his ways and has made a real effort to change. So many people want to change and then don't follow through, so that speaks highly of your father for sticking with it. Thank you for sharing!

I complain that, after many years of being allergy-free, I have been smitten with the watery eyes, runny nose, and cloudy-head feeling all week due to the high tree pollen count in my area. Luckily, I'm feeling much better today after napping and sleeping a lot yesterday, so hopefully my body will readjust and not plague me all friggin' spring...

[Kathryn Lacey]

Keith, I'm really sorry that your father was like that, but I'm really glad that he realized the error of his ways and took steps to be a better father; some people never change no matter how awful they become. Was your mother okay after being thrown out of the car?


I have some weird complaints that may not be actual complaints so much as my just venting so feel free to ignore them (except the spoiler titled bunnies... I need advice on that one...).

Dead:

Dead Like Me:

Work Sucks:

Bunnies:

[Silvan Arrow]

Kathryn, I'll offer my two cents on "Dead Like Me" and "Bunnies."

"Dead Like Me": I had to pause when you wrote, "I'm upset with myself that I didn't just keep my mouth shut." I would strongly encourage you (or anyone else for that matter) not to feel that way or that you have to keep quiet about things that you find emotional. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with those kinds of losses in your family. I'm an only child and haven't had to deal with major deaths in the family (save my Grandpa), so I can only imagine how much that must still hurt. I think it's especially important in relationships to feel like you can talk to your significant other about anything. I just had a long conversation with my boyfriend about our long-distance communication when he could tell I was upset and he point-blank had to ask, "What's wrong?" to get me to open up. I was terrified of confronting the issue, but he was very understanding and said that I should come to him immediately with stuff like that instead of keeping it bottled up. I know everyone and every relationship is different, but don't ever beat yourself up over your emotions. It already sounds like you and Jonathan have a great rapport and can talk about anything (I mean, you've been together for a long time, right?), so I'm sure he doesn't hold it against you or anything.

Bunnies: It sounds like Jonathan's views of shelters come from the extreme side where the shelters are little more than death row for animals, when in reality there's a lot of really nice shelters out there too that treat the animals really well. Have you tried looking at Pethelpers.com? They do a good job of profiling animals and putting them in a search engine. Also, a lot of shelters and adoption agencies have people foster rescued animals to re-socialize them and work out temperament issues before placing them up for adoption.

I'll give my cat Nyla as an example. I got her as a rescue, and she stayed with a foster family and was well-socialized with dogs and other cats before I adopted her. She is the absolute sweetest cat I have ever met, and that's not just my opinion. Other people say the same thing. She still has some kitten quirks, like a squeaky meow and can be needy for attention sometimes, but she's incredibly laid-back and affectionate.

Let me suggest a few compromises that might shift Jonathan's mindset away from the shelter stigma. Talk to some local vet offices in the area to see if they know of any people who are fostering rabbits for adoption. Nyla came from a vet tech, after all. Also look for shelters that let you go in and spend some time getting acquainted with animals that you're considering adopting. I know some shelters have private rooms where they bring in the animal you're considering, and you can pet and play with it to see if it has the personality you would like. Basically, find a shelter that WANTS you to come into the back and see all their animals. That way you can see firsthand the living conditions of the animals and can see that they're not trying to keep any deep, dark secrets of animal cruelty or anything.

Also, adoption fees are MUCH cheaper than buying from a breeder. Seriously, some dog breeds go for several hundred to a thousand dollars for a puppy, for example. I got Nyla for FREE and got her spayed at a Pethelpers clinic for FREE because I met the low-income requirement.

Best of luck with everything!

[Kathryn Lacey]

It's not that I just don't ever talk about these thing. I just don't like talking about them when I'm already in an emotional state of mind. It's a lot easier and feels better for me to talk about it when I'm not already breaking down because then I just break down worse, and it makes it hard to even talk at all. Plus, there's a chemical in tears that literally puts men off, so there's that along with the fact that I prefer being alone when I'm upset about things...

I'm fine with talking about the crap I've been through. I just prefer to do it when I'm calm.

Jonathan wasn't upset with me about anything. He left me alone because he knew it was what I prefer, and I think he was more upset with himself for forgetting that I'm still affected by the things I've experienced. We can talk about anything, and we have been together for a long time (four years and five months), so I know he won't make fun of me for anything. I just don't like talking about things when I'm not calm enough to do so properly.


Thank you so much for the advice about the rabbits, Silvan. It's really helpful. I will definitely discuss those things with him in the hopes that he'll pull his head out of his butt where shelter animals are concerned. =D

I just looked at PetHelpers.com, and I'm not sure I really understand how that works... They seem more focused on cats and dogs than any other kind of animal.

I really love the idea of a foster bunny, though. I mean... It's always really sad because it's like... I'm taking the pet away from its family, but they get the pets knowing that they will go away some day, and if they want them forever, they can adopt them.

I think one of the shelters I was looking at last night does the thing where you can set up an appointment to spend time with the animals to see how well you may get along, so that's definitely an option.

The same shelter I just mentioned gives away the rabbits for just $30 (to cover supply and neuter/spay bills) which I agree will be a lot more affordable than going through a breeder. I think Jonathan is also against pet shops, but he's so set on a damned breeder... I need to convince him that getting a rabbit from a shelter or a foster family or a vet tech or whatever is going to be a much better idea.

Part of me wonders if this is because he wants to start with a baby rabbit, but I'll have to talk to him to find out. Unfortunately, I was going to do more research today to find out, but I got called into work.

More Job Complaints:

[Digital Muse]

Katryn,

As an avid pet lover, I applaude your choice to adopt from a shelter. Every point you make is spot n and as you said you are saving a life. If Jonathan insists on a baby, you may find one at the shelter as well. Take him along and spend time with the animlas and (in my experience) one will adopt you.

I too shun all pet shops and breeders. There are too many unwanted animals (through no fault of their own) in the world to subsidize someone breeding even more. I foster animals in my home since I have a big fenced yard and find the kids I take in to be loving and wonderful pets.

Good luck and I hope things work out for the better.

P.S. Congrats on going back to school.

[Kathryn Lacey]

Things are working out better. It'll probably be a while before we actually get a rabbit because I don't want it until I'm done with this Blockbuster job due to my having no time because of it.

Jonathan found a crack in one of his teeth, so we have to make sure his dental bills aren't outrageous before we consider the expenses for any kind of pet, especially because my being in school without a real job will stick him with most of the bills (though I'll be doing more of the rabbit-care stuff, so it kind of evens out).

I agree with you. I don't want to encourage more unwanted bunnies in the world when we can get one that someone decided they just didn't want. I think, though, that a lot of people are kind of tricked into thinking that rabbits are super cute and calm, so they'll be super easy, but they require daily maintenance and socialization. They're not like a cat who just does its own thing and occasionally will come to you for snuggles, and all you have to do is make sure there's food in the dish and that the litter box is clean.

I think once people realize how much work actually goes into caring for a rabbit, they realize they don't want it, and that's why there are so many rabbits at shelters. It's really sad. People need to do more research, and I have plenty of time to do as much research as I need to do in order to make sure I truly want a rabbit.

[Silvan Arrow]

I'm glad to hear things are working out better, Kathryn. Pet ownership definitely requires a lot of thought and research before making that kind of commitment, so I applaud you for not rushing the process and taking as much time as you need.

I know for me, I had to give it a lot of serious thought, soul-searching, and examination of my finances before I adopted Nyla. However, I decided that the emotional benefits I gain from pet ownership and that kind of bond more than outweighed the costs. I'm the kind of person that psychologically needs some kind of animal to take care of, after growing up with pets for as long as I can remember. Even when I was in college with strict rules about pets, I always had at least a betta fish in a bowl that I would take with me when I would go home for breaks. And having Nyla helped me heal from the sudden death of our previous cat, whom we had to put to sleep due to a blood clot that took her within two hours. I did not handle it well at all, and the house just felt empty without her. Cats also are pretty much the ideal pet for my lifestyle, since like you said, they're pretty independent and don't need you around 24/7.

Sorry to ramble, but my point is you're doing everything right, and I wish you the best of luck!

Um...uh...complaint. It's...cold today? Actually, I need to go over to the Celebration Thread and make some happy announcements!

[Kathryn Lacey]

I actually think cats are my favorite animals because they're cuddly, but usually not clingy, they're independent, and they're low maintenance. However, I'm very allergic to them which is really unfortunate, so no kitties in our future. =( (<-- That's the complaint... >.>;; )

Anyway, rabbits live a decent lifespan for a small animal that's not a dog or a cat, and quite frankly, the last cat I had only lasted about three years because he had some intense health problems that probably stemmed from the facts that A) his mother looked like she'd gotten knocked up in her first heat, B) two out of four of his siblings had optical issues (one had no eyes, the other only had one eye) and didn't live more than a month or less, and C) he kept getting this wound on his foot that we would care for, but the vet couldn't figure out what caused it, and it would heal then come back periodically.

Anyway, it was hard, so I get where you're coming from. Pets aren't just animals that are there. They become a part of your family, so losing them can be just as hard as losing a member of your family.

I'm glad that Nyla was able to offer you the kind of comfort you needed at the time.

Comfort is kind of why I want a bunny. I'm going to be really lonely cooped up in the house all day (except for when I'm at school) while Jonathan is at work, so having an animal companion would be nice. I need socialization, too!

[DracoMalfoy]

I complain that Young Justice, the first quality DC show in a long while, ended abruptly today not only with the death of my favorite character, but with a massive cliffhanger that obviously alluded to a season three that we aren't going to get.

I have severe nerd problems.

[Kathryn Lacey]

That sucks... I hate when shows do that...

[Guilty Carrion]

I complain that my laptop charger cable has been sporadically dying for the past two months, and it just came back from a two week sabbatical to the technological after-life.

While it's nice that it came back, the fact that I can't trust it to remain alive is hindering me from not only actively posting in the RPs I'm in, but making me feel as though I shouldn't join anything new that may catch my eye,(I'm looking at you, Ysopet and his space pirates) because I can't reliably say I'll be around.

Machines!

[Gadreille]

That sucks! Is there any way you can get a new one? I would go crazy without my computer... Which probably means I'm crazy but, that's a seperate issue!

[DracoMalfoy]

Ugh, laptop woes are the worst! I hope you get the issue sorted out, or, at least, that you can suspect a little more stability soon. My laptop cords almost always break on me, so I know the feeling.

I feel like I'm this neck of the woods too often, so, I apologize if my rants and raves annoy anyone. But, we got the police report for my accident today and I can't help seething with rage. They included the other driver's version of the story, as well as mine, and, according to him, I ran a red light and slammed directly into him. This is, and excuse my lack of class, bullshit. You can tell, by looking at our cars, who hit who. Or whom.

I understand full well that it's hard to take responsibility, especially when doing so has consequences, but I don't know why someone would lie directly to a police officer, especially when two other stories called his out for its crap. He still got the ticket and my car's been taken away, so it's behind me now. I know I shouldn't be complaining, but it bugs me that he attempted to lie. I, for one, would be too terrified to lie to a cop. And, it's not just a difference of perspective. What happened is obvious.

I just wish maturity and general adult behavior could be expected from people these days.

[Gadreille]

Draco, I'm honestly not surprised they lied. I just witnessed a hit and run two nights ago (they almost hit me running from the fenderbender they caused). People just don't want to take responsibility, mostly because they've made a bad decision going without insurance or having too many accidents or some other reason that they know the wreck will be costly to them.

I complain that I am sick. It's the normal head cold/flu sort of sick, but I'm ready for it to be over. I would like to start breathing through my nose again.

[Silvan Arrow]

I hope you're feeling better, Gadreille! Being sick is no fun...

Speaking of which...

I also complain that I am sick, and it could not have come at a worse time. My boyfriend and I both got sick at the same time on Friday/Saturday, so he had to leave a day early so he could get back home and rest a little before leaving today to start a new job. After he left, I spent the day burning with a fever and puking until I finally passed out from exhaustion. I'm feeling better, but I've got almost no energy and have a research cruise next week. We're supposed to be loading the ship on Thursday and Friday, so I've got to knock this thing ASAP.

It just sucks that my boyfriend had to cut his visit short because of this. I cried like a baby when we were saying goodbye, because he probably won't get another chance to come visit me before I have to move at the end of the summer. I'll definitely see him again at his sister's wedding in June, but I'll need to figure out when I can get away to visit him this summer between my thesis defense, fieldwork, and just friggin trying to graduate.

[Digital Muse]

One thing at a time, Silvan. It's the only way to get through.

I complain about a 3 day ice and snow storm that has downed trees all over town and left alot of us without power. I'm going on 22 hours. *ugh*

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