//i don't believe in anything but the beating of our hearts.

by Infinity_On_High Fri Jun 04, 2010 9:16 am

Dying,

It's what I thought was the best and only way out. My cell phone continued to go off as I let the blaring sound
run through my ears. I drowned the noise out completely as I just laid there. It didn't matter so as long as I was
alone. I t seemed easier that way. The rain let it self beat off the window in a rhythmic sound. I wasn't interested
though. Just wanting to lay here on the bed that seemed to big for the 8x10 room. I was yet, still content. So content
that the gashes on my wrists didn't even hurt anymore.

Only the light from the moon was able to peek through my window blinds. The fabric was obviously not thick enough.
I pulled the thick blankets over my head hiding away the few tears that were slowly but surely seeping down my face.
Mascara I knew was attacking my cheeks inch by inch. The dampness didn't bother me though. Again, I was content
in just laying here. The rain continued to pound off my window; as if it sounded like someone tapping their fingernail against
the glass just to try and get my attention.

I couldn't get these thoughts out of my mind. It was unusual for a 16 year old to be thinking of the way she was.
Even though she couldn't handle it anymore, she tried fighting for as long as she could. Everything around her
was as if it were fading and there was nothing that she could do about it. Staying curled up in my bed I peeked
slowly out from under the covers that felt like they were suffocating me. I wish they were. I groaned and rolled
back over to my side facing away from the window that was not completely covered by the blinds.

I could have sworn that everything seemed darker than what it was. Apparently the moonbeams had seeped through more than
I had thought. It wasn't exactly all that it planned out to be; and I was merely comfortable laying here in my own teared
up pillow that I clutched tightly around my fingers, letting the fabric of the cotton seep through them. Lifting myself out
of the bed, I swung my legs around to the side and let out a small uttering sigh that seemed to be more than what it should.
I wasn't extremely excited about getting out of bed; only wishing to stay there for the rest of my lived life.

by Infinity_On_High Fri Jun 04, 2010 9:20 am

The sun slowly peeked through the blinds more as it became brighter. Grumbling slightly to myself I looked up and decided that there was no use in laying here. The trust I lost in people was amazingly hard to get back after fighting for everything that was in my life. Everything that I lost, that was meaningful to me; was now not important. Boyfriends would come and go-- friends come and go. But no one ever asked how I was doing. My un-brushed hair for days was matted in knots that I couldn't possibly have the time to take out. I pulled it up into a half pony tail allowing strands to fall in front of my face. The courage to face the outside world was obviously gone-- all I was wondering where my next hit was going to be; how I was going to get it, and where I was going to get it from.

Everything then stood lifeless. Finally, I stared at myself in the mirror and saw a girl who looked like me; but of course was much more prettier than me. She had her self together and I... I was a mess. I didn't quite understand it, and I didn't know what else I was going to do. This of course, is the life of a druggie. It wasn't just a normal day. I had to get everything ready, everything being; my body and my mind, to face the world. All I really wanted was to find that next hit. That's all that I ever cared about. Although the weight of worrying seemed more than what it usually was. I myself was rather annoyed with it. I couldn't bare it anymore; and there he was--a perfect image of him standing right in between my door way, leaning against the side of the door. I couldn't believe it. Maybe he had come to give me what I wanted. No wait, that would be too easy.

"Shawna, you ready yet?"

I narrowed my eyes again. It was just my brother. What a disappointment.

"C'mon Shawna, you're going to be late."

"I'm coming."

I said in a raspy voice. "I'm coming."

//i don't believe in anything but the beating of our hearts. Vgl76d

by fire111127 Sat Sep 24, 2011 8:03 pm

I really lliked this story. I thought how you kept repeating diffrent forms of lines like I was very content or using the word obviously to draw out how the light refered to something good making it into the emotional darkness made a great impact on the writing. If you keep writing on this I will definitely read it I think it is just getting good.

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