-1-

They're mad at me,
Is there no greater pain?

It's always the same, though I never understand
Why it is so, when I never tried
to anger them, I only want
to help

I give them answers, it is only fair
that if I know, I should share
my knowledge, to help
them

I come to work early, I work more than
I should, because I want to be
useful, I do whatever it is
they need

I spend money freely, for things, for
friends, and perhaps take less than
I should receive, because it is
not important to me

I make my parents mad, when I say it doesn't
matter is I am paid correctly, if I
have been cheated, they become
upset

I get scolded, by my boss, my peers and
others when I am late, they tell me I
need to be responsible, I lose their
trust

My friends get mad at me, when
I give them a wrong answer, even if every
other one is right, I let them
down

I try, I swear I do, as hard
as I possibly can.

Can you understand? Can you?
For just one short moment?

Make fun of me if it makes you feel
better, take advantage of me
if it helps you, but
please

please, please, please
don't get mad at me anymore,
it hurts
so much

-2-

What may I write,

When my hand cannot move?

What may I say,

When my lips cannot work?

Nothing

How may I express what I feel,

When they render me dumb?

How may i express what I think,

When my mind betrays me?

I cannot

There is nothing,

nothing i can say,

nothing i can write,

nothing i can feel,

nothing i can think.

Yet you deserve something,

but alas,

All I have, All i can give,

Is Nothing.

-3-

Fights, fights, everyone fights
and for what purpose but to cause
anger and tears and painful cries
that won't let me go to sleep at night?

Screaming, yelling, word-wars waged
for nothing more than a mundane cause
erupted in tired minds to rage
lashing, lashing with barb-ed tongues.

Why? Why? What is this
senseless anger splitting the night?
Why? Why can't we just find bliss
knowing that we are alive?

You talk, she yells
you yell, she screams
ears fail to block the dirge of hell

She cries, you calm
She talks, you yell
why not stop this cycle damned?

Just stop! Shut up!
I can't take it anymore!

Fuck off! Don't touch!
In their anger my plea
is just ignored

So I sit here and listen
as you go back and forth
and feel the stinging
of each, of every word

You're blood, you're family,
as close to me as to each other
Why today, why any day?
You are mother and Daughter!

And now, you spark anger in my heart
as sadness stoops my shoulders low
I feel like I'm being torn apart
Damn it! How long with this battle go?

Until one side gives up?
Or flees in tears?
Until you say things unforgivable?
The words everyone fears?

You fight, you fight
scream, rage, argue, cry
you fight, you fight
there is no sleep tonight

You fight, you fight
you've made a pained pacifist out of me
You fight, you fight
but the cost I never wished to see.

-4-

The sun, to the east..
obscured by misty clouds
it's light broken, released..
into a kaleidoscope
of brilliance

The breeze, from the west..
so light, so soft
some caring deities' caress..
cools and comforts
my flesh

The water, the sky..
above and below, perfect blue
brothers that make me wish I could fly..
to live among each and bridge
them with my wings

The waves, ever lapping..
against the dock and moor-ed boats
Nature's song, so calm and soothing..
a primal lullaby to lull me back
into that blissful sleep

The sun, the sky..
The water, the waves..
the wind, and every holy thing..
All together, impossible balance
here in this forbidden morning

Here, with the rising sun..
here, might I pray forgiveness
to witness this dawn so young..
this dawn not meant
for my unworthy eyes

For this, is not..
that facade you play for all
but rather..
that hidden, secret self

that ancient peace which you possess

I can feel it now..
on this forbidden morning
such serenity, now..
I see just what it is

That I live for

-5-

It's strange, alone, to be
Away from everyone
you knew, from
family, friends, left
with perfect strangers

A stranger among
strangers, in a strange
place, alone, with strangers
who know others, while
none know you

It is strange, my
situation, for here
only I know who I am
and who I am
is whoever I want to be

There is no determined
idea of what is 'me'
by these strangers,
no mold to hold me
I am free

perhaps that is what's
strange? this freedom I
possess? Away from family
and friends, to be the me
I think is me

Such an experience I
have never had, this
feeling, of being alone,
of being able to choose
how I shall be seen

This experience, unlike
any other, shall I take
advantage? Or shall
I let it slip by? Only
I can decide

Alone, a stranger among
perfect strangers
it's strange, being alone
it's strange, being free
being me.

-7-

If I could be
Any thing I could see
And if I could be you
Could you then be me?
And then could we
As each other see
Just what love means to you
And what it means to me?

-6-

You,
final drop of
rain, wave, or
Tear.

You,
all that which
I hold most
Dear.

You,
one last drop
to cleanse my
Fear.

You,
Nat-ure's most
heaven-blessed
Tear.

-8-

It's always the quiet one

Sitting just to the side,
smiling with the rest,
but with his gaze out far, so far,
so far away.

It's always the smiling one

Talking and joking,
a good ol' boy,
who's mind is far, so far,
So far beyond.

It's always the good ol' one

The bright kid in the class,
Hoarding the answers,
Knowing yet staying far, so far,
So far from the spotlight.

it's always the knowing ones

Surprising with their wisdom,
Insights to shake you to the bone,
If only they didn't hide them far, so far,
So far away.

Do you know,
Know of whom I speak?

Do you know he who is a witness,
to his own very life?
He who is in,
and yet so very, very far out?
He who does not wish to speak,
Wishing the credit for someone else?

And do you know he,
That if he wanted,
Would not speak?
Not through fear nor anger nor spite,
But because he knows,
knows what you won't say,
and so doesn't say himself,
because you prefer it that way.

It's always the loud ones,
who are known.

A genius, a leader, a master of men.

But it's always the quiet ones,
the quiet ones who know,
and will not tell,
until we learn to be quiet as well,
learn to hear them as they whisper,
The king's wisdom from afar, so far,
So far.... so far away....

-9-

Have you ever wondered,
what it's like to cry?
Such an outflow of emotion,
pure, brought to light?

Have you ever wondered,
what it means to be sad?
How it feels and acts,
And if it needs to be had?

Have you ever wondered,
Why women can cry?
Yet men will say,
It's not for you, or I?

Have you ever wondered,
Why your tears will not fall?
Why when it's sadness you feel
It comes to nothing at all?

Have you ever wondered,
If it's possible to hurt?
From feeling so much emotion,
That you feel you might burst?

Have you ever wondered,
What's with guilt and stress?
That two such things,
Can bring terrible sadness?

Have you ever wondered,
what it might be like?
To cry out to someone,
And for them to say it's all right?

Have you ever wondered,
What it is about a tear?
That when none will come,
It inspires hopeless fear?

Have you ever wondered,
What it would be like to cry?
And if it might bring relief,
To one awake in the night?

And if you've ever wondered,
All these things I do?
Could you then tell me,
Just what I've come to?

Where the fact that I've forgotten,
The act by which one cries.
And so I'm left with sadness,
Ever more as time goes by.

Until I'm left here wondering,
Crushed on some lonesome night.
How I could be so wretched,
As to not know how to cry.

-10-

If you were the moon,
Would I then be but the stars?
Those heavenly forms that shine so close,
Yet stand apart so very far?

And if you were the earth,
Would I then become the sky?
To be together, almost close to touch,
Yet with a force between you and I?

For, as you are a Deva,
I am but a mortal man.
Who on his knees calls out to you
Knowing it is a love he cannot have.

And yet my Seraph I implore you,
Gaze down and see my love.
For while it may ever be unworthy
It will outshine all the heavens above.