For those of you with significant others -- What attracted you to them?
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For those of you with significant others -- What attracted you to them?
by Fate Flyer Tue Aug 04, 2009 3:04 pm
I remember back in my sophomore year at high school, in some female-ish class (I say this, because there were never any boys in it, since it was learning how to cook, bake, do laundry, sew, etc.), which I forgot the name of now, we had to make a list of all the traits we look for in a significant other. I also remember, while I was creating my list, thinking about how I didn't think making a list would really help in finding 'the one.' It was supposed to assist us, so then when we meet people to date, we could have a list to look off of and see if they fit the majority of things we want in a significant other.
Well, following high school, I started dating a lot, and it was kind of my liberating period, in which I started drinking, partying somewhat (nothing huge or heavy in retrospect, but big for me), and also trying to find that guy - the one who I could love. With each guy that I dated, I couldn't figure out why I didn't feel as strongly for him as I thought I should. After awhile, I began to feel, in all honesty, that love wasn't real, and that people just kind of forced themselves to feel it, and that being in love was just something in the movies. It was horrible. I literally gave up on love. I know I never gave it much of a chance, as this was over only the course of a year or two, but I was young, and I had had my fair share of guys that I had been with, so I suppose I just felt like if I couldn't feel anything that strong for them, then I never would.
And then, I met Tony.
You guys know him as onenitedrive. The ironic thing is, when Tony and I met, he also had given up on love. (He had dated a girl for 3 years a couple years prior to me, and she left him suddenly.) At that time, I had absolutely no idea whatsoever what I wanted in a guy. I was clueless. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me (or with them). However, things were different when it came to Tony. He and I hit it off big time right away, and we were close instantly, seeing each other each day at our favorite coffee shop and then later hanging out at night together and doing things with friends. It was wonderful.
I never really thought about what it was with Tony that made him so different. I was just thrilled that I was wrong about being in love. Now, looking back on everything, I believe what I really was lacking in some of my previous boyfriends (over 3 years ago now) and what I was really looking for was, for one, a dominant guy. If I look at all my past boyfriends, none of them were the leader-type. If I look at all my past relationships, I was always 'the boss,' so-to-say, always the one that was 'in charge' and got what I wanted. Now, I wasn't like a lot of girls in this, because, let's face it, I'm sweet and really modest in real life (lol), so I never really stepped up to the plate for my role in my relationships, but I was aware of it. As I once told Tony, I was always treated like a princess, but to the point where it was too much (yes, there is such a thing). I needed someone who wasn't a pushover but who also wasn't overbearing or bossy. I needed a guy that was on the exact same level as me, so that in our relationship, we could be equals. I think this is something that everyone is aware of in their relationships, that there is usually someone who 'wears the pants.' That wasn't what I wanted though. I wanted us both to have respect for one another, and somehow, both Tony and I were exactly like that with each other, and we still are today.
In addition to just that, what I needed in a significant other was intelligence. I'm not saying that all my previous boyfriends were dumb or anything, but a few of them weren't going to be getting into Harvard, let alone a decent university any time soon, if you know what I mean. Others were smart, but in their own way, and it wasn't always in the right way. I wasn't aware of it at the time, again, but I needed a guy that could not only understand me and be aware of things, but also understand the world around us a bit. Something I once heard about that makes a lot of sense, is that people in relationships typically are at or around the same intelligence level, and that it's very difficult when you have one smarter person and one less intelligent person in the same relationship. That, too, was something that I also found in Tony.
Lastly, one other major point that attracted me to Tony was our similarities. Some of our beliefs changed and grew together, but right from the start, we both believed in a lot of the same things and also had a lot of the same tastes. It was amazing. He still, to this day, shares so much in common with me, and it's uncanny. I've never encountered anyone like him in my life before who I could share everything with, and it still is astonishing. We're like one in the same person.
So, those are the 3 main traits of what I was missing in my past, and what I have now come to understand was what I needed.
I'm so happy that Tony and I found one another. ^^
Well, following high school, I started dating a lot, and it was kind of my liberating period, in which I started drinking, partying somewhat (nothing huge or heavy in retrospect, but big for me), and also trying to find that guy - the one who I could love. With each guy that I dated, I couldn't figure out why I didn't feel as strongly for him as I thought I should. After awhile, I began to feel, in all honesty, that love wasn't real, and that people just kind of forced themselves to feel it, and that being in love was just something in the movies. It was horrible. I literally gave up on love. I know I never gave it much of a chance, as this was over only the course of a year or two, but I was young, and I had had my fair share of guys that I had been with, so I suppose I just felt like if I couldn't feel anything that strong for them, then I never would.
And then, I met Tony.
You guys know him as onenitedrive. The ironic thing is, when Tony and I met, he also had given up on love. (He had dated a girl for 3 years a couple years prior to me, and she left him suddenly.) At that time, I had absolutely no idea whatsoever what I wanted in a guy. I was clueless. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me (or with them). However, things were different when it came to Tony. He and I hit it off big time right away, and we were close instantly, seeing each other each day at our favorite coffee shop and then later hanging out at night together and doing things with friends. It was wonderful.
I never really thought about what it was with Tony that made him so different. I was just thrilled that I was wrong about being in love. Now, looking back on everything, I believe what I really was lacking in some of my previous boyfriends (over 3 years ago now) and what I was really looking for was, for one, a dominant guy. If I look at all my past boyfriends, none of them were the leader-type. If I look at all my past relationships, I was always 'the boss,' so-to-say, always the one that was 'in charge' and got what I wanted. Now, I wasn't like a lot of girls in this, because, let's face it, I'm sweet and really modest in real life (lol), so I never really stepped up to the plate for my role in my relationships, but I was aware of it. As I once told Tony, I was always treated like a princess, but to the point where it was too much (yes, there is such a thing). I needed someone who wasn't a pushover but who also wasn't overbearing or bossy. I needed a guy that was on the exact same level as me, so that in our relationship, we could be equals. I think this is something that everyone is aware of in their relationships, that there is usually someone who 'wears the pants.' That wasn't what I wanted though. I wanted us both to have respect for one another, and somehow, both Tony and I were exactly like that with each other, and we still are today.
In addition to just that, what I needed in a significant other was intelligence. I'm not saying that all my previous boyfriends were dumb or anything, but a few of them weren't going to be getting into Harvard, let alone a decent university any time soon, if you know what I mean. Others were smart, but in their own way, and it wasn't always in the right way. I wasn't aware of it at the time, again, but I needed a guy that could not only understand me and be aware of things, but also understand the world around us a bit. Something I once heard about that makes a lot of sense, is that people in relationships typically are at or around the same intelligence level, and that it's very difficult when you have one smarter person and one less intelligent person in the same relationship. That, too, was something that I also found in Tony.
Lastly, one other major point that attracted me to Tony was our similarities. Some of our beliefs changed and grew together, but right from the start, we both believed in a lot of the same things and also had a lot of the same tastes. It was amazing. He still, to this day, shares so much in common with me, and it's uncanny. I've never encountered anyone like him in my life before who I could share everything with, and it still is astonishing. We're like one in the same person.
So, those are the 3 main traits of what I was missing in my past, and what I have now come to understand was what I needed.
I'm so happy that Tony and I found one another. ^^
Fate Flyer- ★ Administrator & FoG Mother ★
- Join date : 2009-05-12
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Re: For those of you with significant others -- What attracted you to them?
by Gadreille Tue Aug 04, 2009 4:58 pm
I've been writing for 20 minutes, and I still cannot come up with a satisfactory answer to this question.
I suppose the best thing for me to do is recite my wedding vows.
I'd like to add that we have another unifying part of our life: Theoden Leon. We both feel the same strength of love toward each other and toward our son. He is a physical representation of the love and devotion we have for each other.
I can't imagine having my life any other way. Though we have our ups and downs, and Silv knows I've made some mistakes
, life just feels complete with him by my side. I guess he's my constant 
I suppose the best thing for me to do is recite my wedding vows.
Silvone is very quiet, and that intrigued me, when we first met. There was a mystery underneath his seemingly cold front, and when I looked, I found a soul underneath that was full of love and wisdom. At first it seemed that he needed guidance and care, but soon I found that I needed it just as much as he did. We led each other on our adventurous road of life. Silvone taught me to be independent, to not be afraid, and to love myself. Teaching me these things made me love him more, although that is not the only reason. I fell in love with his creative mind, his wit, his intelligence. I know I will never run out of conversation, because there is so much we can discuss. He knows how to listen. When he speaks, he has a quiet voice that demands attention. His eyes are mesmerizing. They are an outside representation of his kind soul, and his smile shows the wit inside his mind. We have the same goals and want to live a creative life, with a close family that we can care for and love. Our wedding is the first step toward that goal.
Silvone, we share many things, our love, our goals, our imagination. We have come so far, and we have much farther to go. This is the beginning of our dreams, to start our family. This is the first step. I hope I can be your Arwen. I hope I will be your Kahlan. We share our dreams and aspirations, but I hope you know that it is you that are my dream come true. Your wisdom guides me. Your strength protects me. Your intelligent moves me. Your beauty inspires me. You are the one, and we are two halves of a whole. I love you, Silvone E. Elestahr.
I'd like to add that we have another unifying part of our life: Theoden Leon. We both feel the same strength of love toward each other and toward our son. He is a physical representation of the love and devotion we have for each other.
I can't imagine having my life any other way. Though we have our ups and downs, and Silv knows I've made some mistakes
, life just feels complete with him by my side. I guess he's my constant 
Gadreille- ★ Administrator ★
- Join date : 2009-07-26
Posts : 5276
Re: For those of you with significant others -- What attracted you to them?
by Fate Flyer Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:36 pm
Ryona, I think your wedding vows say it absolutely perfectly. That was beautiful, and it certainly sounds like your husband and you are so meant for each othre. That's adorable that you're his Arwen. ^.^ That was truly lovely.
That's adorable that you're his Arwen. ^.^ That was truly lovely.
Fate Flyer- ★ Administrator & FoG Mother ★
- Join date : 2009-05-12
Posts : 4525
Age : 37
Location : Milky Way Galaxy, Sol System, Earth, USA, Illinois -
Re: For those of you with significant others -- What attracted you to them?
by Gadreille Tue Aug 04, 2009 9:18 pm
Thank you I don't know why, but I was nervous to post it, though I've said it in front of a crowd before 
I don't know why, but I was nervous to post it, though I've said it in front of a crowd before
Gadreille- ★ Administrator ★
- Join date : 2009-07-26
Posts : 5276
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