Creative insults/threats!

Ok, so we have all had a surge of anger at one point and have wanted to threaten them... right? (Right?) And I just thought that, instead of keeping it inside or, even worse, actually saying it to said person, it would be interesting to have a thread to vent these emotions or just create inventive threats and insults just for fun!

If this seems offensive to anyone, blame Shadow.

Basically, just post a threat to the user above you. Obviously nothing sinister, overly violent, actually THREATENING, actually MEAN or willingly made to HURT SOMEONE will be tolerated. Just some good, relax, slightly (completely) crazy fun.

I will start with an example.

You look like a walrus. ( I have absolutely no inspiration right now...)

Dax, you four-eyed poodle puncher.

Eternity, I'm going to suffocate you in a pile of shredded twilight novels.

Shadow, I'm going to choke you with a Banana Republic sash that I got using your mother's credit card.

Eternity, I am going to call down 100 elephants to systematically crush you, your house and your Play station ALL WHILE MAKING YOU WATCH THE MOVIE AVIATOR... and eat brussel sprouts.

I think that last part was a bit too evil, hmmm...

I like brussel sprouts (with vinegar) you elephant marching mandingo wanna-be with your fancy hair and greasy beard pulled into a fine point tip like the top of Alfalfa's hair, and your Persian jewelry and need to close down Les'Bos.

LES'BOS!

You're at your maximum capacity of defecation.
End of story.

(OUCH)

I am going to throw you into a fire with an empty fire hyrdrant, take a bazooka, blow up the fire, put ashes in a cup, stir well, possibly deep fry it, eat it and then I will throw myself off a building and landing in a lake of 2 million year old scotch. I will then know that then, and only then will I have sucessfully destroyed you.

Dax, I'm going to rip out your intestines, sauté them with some Pinot Noir, tie a nice little pink bow around them and then feed them to Eternity. Then I'll take Eternity, use her to chop down a pine tree, send the fallen tree to the mill to become toothpicks, cut her into tiny bite-sized cubes, fry them with a tub of butter, put said toothpicks through the Eternity bites, place them on a silver platter, douse them in arsenic and then feed them to Shadow while Riekon plays "Hit the Road, Jack" by Ray Charles in the background.

Oh...and then I'll smash his piano with a large hammer.

[/comboburn]

GUNNEH! THATS FANTASTIC!
I will play Hit the Road Jack, for you.


I will take a terribly out of tuned guitar and write a song about how much I hate people who crack their fingers in a dead silent room, then after I will beat you with the guitar until your eyes bleed from the shards of wood, then i will choke you with the bronze strings and use them to make cuts into your skin. I will hang you from the string onto the fan and let it do circles. I'll also let the blood puddle on the floor and have your dog/cat lick it up.

HAH.
that was ... yeah.

How to kill some one with a guitar!

Riekon, I will take your piano, place a hot cup of coffee on it and not wipe off the stain it leaves. I will then let three blind mice loose inside of it to completley deharmonize it. I will then make you gargle nails, literally, to destroy that great voice of yours. Then I will take my brain-o-matic 42 and suck all the talent from your head into my very own clone of Elton John. I will then bury you alive in your piano under 6 feet of canadian soil.

Hoo hah

Oh..my..god.

YOURE SO TERRIBLE!!!!!!! >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< ><

I think I just cried to the idea of you putting coffee on my piano.. and never moving it..


Dax..

I will raise from the dead and make you eat 5 boxes of tissues, then I will cut small paper cuts into your hands and arms and soak them in a bucket of hand sanitizer, then make you lick it off. After which I will have 10 cats who like to lick people, lick you. And then take you to a blind person convention and tell them really mean jokes about Blind people that you've "said" and watch them try to beat the crap outa you. After that I will drag you behind my car and buddy you up with a crystal meth brewer (or what ever) and have you blow your face up.

That wasn't that good...
Im so hurt Dax... XD

Rie Rie.

I will take a hot potato, rip the skin off, and mash the steamy hot flesh against your eye sockets and then take the skin and stick it down your pants. After that, I'll shove butter in your ears and rub sour cream on your chest and write "TASTY POTAT-HOE" on you for all to see!

Milady my father may have raised a gentleman and I may have never used anger against a woman but there is a first time for everything. For your heinous crimes I shall have you kidnapped and taken to a secret location of which only I know of. Here you will be locked into a soundproof room linked up to closed circuit cameras. The only way out of said room will be a magnetically sealed blast door. And while your in this room I shall have horrible teen pop music played non-stop until you beat your head against the wall to make it stop.

(so... CRUEL! xD)

Hisoka, I will tie you up and throw in a van. I will then drive you to the local Nuclear Reactor Plant and immediately churn up production 500%. I will then throw you into the radioactive goo, thus turning you into a purple bunny rabbit of doom. I will then proceed to chaining you the basement of the Plant and then make it self destruct.

yah.

And to you priest I shall force you to sit through a Scientology lecture until you convert.....

* LE GASP*

I will force you to listen to Justin Bieber until your ears grow sore.

"You are ugly and stupid, and you smell bad. Everyone thinks so."



Sorry, I had to begin my meanness debut with my all-time favorite insult, given by the infamous and foppish Knight from Lords of the Realm II (a PC game that came out in the 1990's). So. Utterly. Hilarious. xD

Now that I have that insult out of the way. Here's a threat.

"I'm gonna take this here mace and WHAM! make blood pudding from your brains."

Same Knight. ^^


xD


OK, for real.

Dax, you sorry, silver-garbed buffoon. If you don't stop staring at people, I'm going to kidnap that eagle of yours, train it on cannibalistic scraps of eagle meat until it's a twisted, rotten shadow of its former grandeur. Then I'll take up falconry, make the eagle catch a few mice every day, and have the mice dropped--by the twisted eagle--into your breakfast. After two months of this, when you've successfully torn the last bits of hair from your by-now raw and reddened pate, I'll command the eagle... YOUR eagle... the one I tortured and twisted and mutilated and corrupted beyond all recognition... to claw out your eyes.

Then I'll kill the eagle. In front of you. So you can hear its final cluckles as I wring its head off, its twisted, dying cries echoing forever...

and ever...

and ever...

and ever...

in your perfect ears. xD

....wow, Kalon. That was...graphic...

Anyways! To you, Mithril Paladin of Aendrel, I will bring upon the most heinous of punishments! If you don't stop with that...whatever you might be doing at the time of reading this message, I'll be forced to knock your elves unconscious, take them to the nearest shopping mall possible, dress them up in those stereotypical costumes that you always see those damned toy-maker elves wearing and force them to snap pictures of snot-nosed ankle-biters on Santa's lap for the rest of forever!

Haha!

Ah, Gunneh, my fellow Southerner and Tennessean. Oh the twisted things I have in store for you...

First, I will send my dragon to kidnap you from your bed in the dead of night (of course, he'll have to bust down the walls of your bedroom in the process). Then I will lock you in a soundproof room, where no one can hear you scream, and force you to drink five gallons of UNSWEETENED TEA through a straw. And the only bathrooms within reach will be for women only! And if you're still alive after that, I'll take some of those elves that you dressed like Santa's little helpers and have them take pictures of you strapped to Santa's lap for revenge!

(Hmmm...I'm usually very bad at insulting people, even in good fun. Hopefully I didn't epic fail this time...)

For you silvan.. I will take that cute little adorable kid that says "I like turtles" And put it on loop for ever, you..will be stuck strapped to a Christmas tree, so the bristles will make you itchy..and you cant itch..listening to "I like turtles" over..and over..and over...and over...and over.. and......
over.

Y'all better shut up before I beat you with a frying pan and stab you 37 times while watching Llamas With Hats

Stop this blunderfucking around.

I will use paintballs laced with acid and sedatives to knock you out and take you to a secret location. Once you wake up, we will play pick a card with five cards. Corresponding to the card you pick, I will inflict one of the deaths from the movie Seven.

Oi at's Talahz! Sovereign of Looneys!

You are a revolting character. Your nose doth dribble from its interior and the sight of it glistening over your food at dinner causes the people around you to vomit inside their mouths.