Rainy Days
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20100628
Rainy Days
"Into each life some rain must fall."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
This is to be just a simple journal of
my thoughts,
my words,
my creations.
For once, I'll break away from fantasy
and into reality...
For once.
ACCEPTING COMMNENTS: YES
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
This is to be just a simple journal of
my thoughts,
my words,
my creations.
For once, I'll break away from fantasy
and into reality...
For once.
ACCEPTING COMMNENTS: YES
Last edited by xraineyesx on Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:34 am; edited 4 times in total
xraineyesx- Ghost
- Join date : 2010-06-12
Posts : 1633
Age : 33
Location : West Virginia
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Rainy Days :: Comments
Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:20 am by xraineyesx
"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship".
Aeschylus
I felt the desire to start a journal of my own for several reasons.
Usually I hand-write my thoughts in a leather-bound journal with a
silk ribbon for keeping the page. It's a light green leather with an inch-thick strap
bound to the back cover that fits through a piece of leather attached to the
front cover in the center of the edge that resembles greatly a
belt loop.
However, I have such bad tendonitis in my wrists that it has become
nearly impossible for me to hand-write everything,
and I certainly cannot do it with any frequency,
which defeats the purposes of writing to remember, to clear my head,
and to create.
Aeschylus
I felt the desire to start a journal of my own for several reasons.
Usually I hand-write my thoughts in a leather-bound journal with a
silk ribbon for keeping the page. It's a light green leather with an inch-thick strap
bound to the back cover that fits through a piece of leather attached to the
front cover in the center of the edge that resembles greatly a
belt loop.
However, I have such bad tendonitis in my wrists that it has become
nearly impossible for me to hand-write everything,
and I certainly cannot do it with any frequency,
which defeats the purposes of writing to remember, to clear my head,
and to create.
Last edited by xraineyesx on Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:48 am; edited 6 times in total
Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:14 am by xraineyesx
"Let the rain kiss you.
Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops.
Let the rain sing you a lullaby."
Langston Hughes
Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops.
Let the rain sing you a lullaby."
Langston Hughes
Monday, June 28, 2010
8:01 am
8:01 am
Today, I embark on a new set of writing adventure, one that is, for once, based in reality and not the fantasy world in which my general storytelling takes place. For now, I settle to writing that which is real and not that which is what I have conjured up to replace the reality that I strive so to avoid. Don't get me wrong. I don't dislike reality; I just have an over-active imagination. And it's wonderful, it really is, but sometimes I need to ground myself.
This is how I choose to do it.
The past week of my life has been incredibly stressful. I have a disabled father who had to be taken to the Emergency Room/hospital; he has many problem, in both the physical and mental sense, and can be very hard with which to live. I love my dad, so very much. But that doesn't mean that we don't have our problems. However, tangent aside, along with having to deal with the stress of that, my... well, I don't know what you'd call him... my best friend/lover whom I don't have an official relationship with but essentially have a very complex, deep, involved relationship with regardless of such... Okay, him. That guy. He and I got in a massive fight that lasted all week and added to the stress. Add to the mix that I have to take care of my younger sister (and watch out for my brother, though he can mostly take care of himself) as my mother works all day and doesn't have time for that and the fact that I have to take care of the house and the menagerie of animals, and it all adds up to too much to do, too much stress.
This all, of course, is violently mixed in with these facts: I have insomnia. This leads me to have a sporadic anxiety disorder (it all
depends on how long I've been up as to how much of an anxiety order I have), hallucinations (I guess it's technically dreaming with my eyes open, but it feels like hallucinations and it's terrifying - I have no perception of reality when this happens and I don't know when I'm doing it), and it worsens the depression I've struggled with since I was fourteen.
I don't mean to sound whiny or as if I'm trying to garner attention or pity. I am merely stating the facts. I don't complain about it; I've come to accept it. This is how I am, and I need to deal with it. My overall point is, this is me, this might explain some things, these are things I must deal with, and it affects my life. It's there. It exists. I will not deny it - but neither will I use it to host a pity party for myself.
All this, however, leads back to my original point: my hell week.
This week has sucked, to be less than eloquent. It really has. It's also the reason that I haven't come anywhere near a computer and the reason Ihave fallen behind in writing my novel, which is fifty typed pages long, single-spaced, all size ten or eleven font, and 40,000 or so words long. The reason for the variance in the font size is that I pick a new font for each day's writing. I don't know exactly why, but it helps break it up and spice it up and it motivates me somehow. Gotta do what ya' gotta do, right?
But now, it's over. It is a new week, and hopefully, a fresh start.
My father is out of the hospital, and while he's grumpy, he is certainly in less pain than he was, and for that, I am extremely grateful. I spend an entire night crying my eyes out on my best friend/lover's chest, telling him how forgotten and neglected I felt, and we worked things out - I think. I, at least, no longer feel as if I don't want anything to do with him. Hearing his name or receiving a text or a call from him doesn't make me roll my eyes and want to not answer it. My household chores are slowly but surely getting caught up on, even though the weeds are still taunting me in the front yard. (I will destroy them, mark my words.) My dogs have all been bathed, trimmed, and thoroughly groomed. My fish tank, however, needs cleaned.Alas, just another thing to do on the to-do list. (Add my laundry too. Ugh.) I have been able to get back to writing and keeping up with the roleplays with which I have involved myself.
And I have a great, steaming cup of coffee. Mm-mm.
Things are certainly looking up. Hopefully, they stay this way.
This is how I choose to do it.
The past week of my life has been incredibly stressful. I have a disabled father who had to be taken to the Emergency Room/hospital; he has many problem, in both the physical and mental sense, and can be very hard with which to live. I love my dad, so very much. But that doesn't mean that we don't have our problems. However, tangent aside, along with having to deal with the stress of that, my... well, I don't know what you'd call him... my best friend/lover whom I don't have an official relationship with but essentially have a very complex, deep, involved relationship with regardless of such... Okay, him. That guy. He and I got in a massive fight that lasted all week and added to the stress. Add to the mix that I have to take care of my younger sister (and watch out for my brother, though he can mostly take care of himself) as my mother works all day and doesn't have time for that and the fact that I have to take care of the house and the menagerie of animals, and it all adds up to too much to do, too much stress.
This all, of course, is violently mixed in with these facts: I have insomnia. This leads me to have a sporadic anxiety disorder (it all
depends on how long I've been up as to how much of an anxiety order I have), hallucinations (I guess it's technically dreaming with my eyes open, but it feels like hallucinations and it's terrifying - I have no perception of reality when this happens and I don't know when I'm doing it), and it worsens the depression I've struggled with since I was fourteen.
I don't mean to sound whiny or as if I'm trying to garner attention or pity. I am merely stating the facts. I don't complain about it; I've come to accept it. This is how I am, and I need to deal with it. My overall point is, this is me, this might explain some things, these are things I must deal with, and it affects my life. It's there. It exists. I will not deny it - but neither will I use it to host a pity party for myself.
All this, however, leads back to my original point: my hell week.
This week has sucked, to be less than eloquent. It really has. It's also the reason that I haven't come anywhere near a computer and the reason Ihave fallen behind in writing my novel, which is fifty typed pages long, single-spaced, all size ten or eleven font, and 40,000 or so words long. The reason for the variance in the font size is that I pick a new font for each day's writing. I don't know exactly why, but it helps break it up and spice it up and it motivates me somehow. Gotta do what ya' gotta do, right?
But now, it's over. It is a new week, and hopefully, a fresh start.
My father is out of the hospital, and while he's grumpy, he is certainly in less pain than he was, and for that, I am extremely grateful. I spend an entire night crying my eyes out on my best friend/lover's chest, telling him how forgotten and neglected I felt, and we worked things out - I think. I, at least, no longer feel as if I don't want anything to do with him. Hearing his name or receiving a text or a call from him doesn't make me roll my eyes and want to not answer it. My household chores are slowly but surely getting caught up on, even though the weeds are still taunting me in the front yard. (I will destroy them, mark my words.) My dogs have all been bathed, trimmed, and thoroughly groomed. My fish tank, however, needs cleaned.Alas, just another thing to do on the to-do list. (Add my laundry too. Ugh.) I have been able to get back to writing and keeping up with the roleplays with which I have involved myself.
And I have a great, steaming cup of coffee. Mm-mm.
Things are certainly looking up. Hopefully, they stay this way.
8:20 am
Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:14 am by xraineyesx
"Anyone who says sunshine
brings sunshine has never dance
in the rain.."
Anonymous
brings sunshine has never dance
in the rain.."
Anonymous
Thursday, July 1, 2010
5:55AM
As I predicted, this week has been going much easier for me. Everything seems to be going a little more right, a little more my own way, instead of the direct opposite of what I desire to happen. I have been able to frequent FOG, to progress in my novel (if only the a little bit - the writing is going slow, but that is an entirely different discussion), my daddy is feeling better, my dog is feeling better, and I haven't had any major fights with anyone I'm close to. I even got to sleep a full eight hours last night! I'd say that pretty much makes this week a win thus far.
I hope it stays this way.
I don't have too much to say. I haven't done anything all that interesting this week.
Oh! I had a dinner date with my... man... lover... best friend... thing. We don't have a name. I don't know what to call him. He isn't technically my boyfriend but we are as in love as two people can be. At least it feels that way. I'm smiling just thinking about him. But anyway, the other night, Monday, it was, he called me and invited me over for dinner. His parents like me a lot, thankfully, and they get anxious when I don't come around enough! It's quite humorous in my opinion, but his mother is a great cook. And besides, I like him and his family, and I like when we do things like a couple instead of just best friends. It makes for a nice change.
Unfortunately, we won't see each other much this week. I haven't seen him since and I don't know when I will again. His car is out of commission currently and I don't own one that I have very good access to (it won't move right now), so I don't know when I will see him again. I'm trying not to think about it. At the risk of sounding like an angst-filled teenager, I miss him whenever he isn't near me.
During school, we lived together, and it's such a dramatic change to come home and not see him whenever I want, to not wake up smiling next to him, to not have his face be the last thing I see at night, and his arms around me. I'm not going to lie. I miss that a lot.
Ugh. I can't wait to get out of school and have my own apartment. I don't even want a house. I just want to move in with my baby and be happy. Have a couple of pets and write books and be merry. It seems less likely that I'll ever achieve that with each passing day. It really is what I would like best right now. I don't want to go back to school in the fall at all. Not one bit. I have to though or else I don't think I'll ever be hired as an editor, not without a degree. I am not going to school for the money I'll make afterward. English degrees don't make money. I am doing what I love, and I only went to make my parents proud. But I am not pleased with school at all. I am learning nothing about my subject (stupid liberal arts) and not learning a hell of a lot in my other subjects. I know that sounds conceited, but it's true. I've spent my entire life reading books - text books included - and learning, and the 'liberal arts' they teach freshmen are a joke. I essentially wasted a year of my life - and thirty-two thousand dollars. Thank god I don't have to pay all that and have a lot of scholarships and grants. One day, when I have to pay back student loans, I'll be even more grateful.
Oh and that's another thing! Curse America's economy, and especially where I live. There weren't enough jobs to go around here before the downturn, and now there is even less. It's impossible for a nineteen-year-old girl to find work anywhere. Even the McDonald's is filled up. Damn high school kids. It's making me really pretty down. It gives me way too much free time and no money to fill my free time with anything, not to mention I could be putting it toward school. At the beginning of last year, I put almost two thousand dollars of my own money into paying for school. I probably won't have anything to put toward it this year. I really would like a job. Gah.
Well, I think I've rambled enough about myself for now. I've gotten most of my thoughts out onto paper - err, screen. I'll come back if I think of anything more.
6:13 am
Last edited by xraineyesx on Fri Jul 02, 2010 9:15 am; edited 2 times in total
Fri Jul 02, 2010 9:08 am by xraineyesx
"Life is like a rainbow.
You need both the sun and the rain
to make its colors appear."
Anonymous
You need both the sun and the rain
to make its colors appear."
Anonymous
Friday, July 2, 2010
8:45 am
What to say, what to say. Hmm...
I got in a sort of half-assed argument with the man lover best friend guy thing. I don't even much care to put it down in words. I'm getting sick of it though. I really am. Suffice it to say that we never see each other much any more and he had the balls to call me while I was trying to sleep, ask me to hang out, then tell me to go back to sleep without even letting me get two words in of my own say. Then he hung up and I cried. I talked to him at three in the morning about it and I think I kind of hurt his feelings, but he hurt mine too.
I just want things to be good like they used to be.
I'm starting to feel as if I was meant to be single and alone forever. No one can put up with me for very long, it seems. Sigh. I'm just sick of it. I don't understand why it's like this.
I'm supposed to see him later today. I don't even know if I want to right now. Bleh. Men. I'd like to take the whole lot of them and give them a good beating just for good measure. (Not that all men suck all of the time, just all of them suck some of the time.) I just hope it goes well. He wants to spend all day with a bunch of people that I absolutely adore, but I'd rather just have a little us time too. Too much to ask? Probably.
I've decided to take up photography again. I was looking through my photos and I've decided to bust out my collection of cameras again. I missed the old film camera. You know, the kind where you actually have to be a decent photographer for them to have any effect. I'm tired of this digital crap where you can take a thousand pictures and hope one of them turns out good. Uh-uh, no sir, that isn't for me.
I mean, sure, a digital camera is nice for when you're just hanging out or something, so you can take quick pictures and capture the memories, but I meant I was going to take up serious photography again. Take some landscapes and whatnot, real portraits. I wish I had someone to photograph me though. Ugh. None of my friends are any good with a camera. At least, none of my friends whom I hang out with any more are any good with a camera.
Not to brag, but I'm pretty photogenic. (I've got three huge trophies and some modeling credentials to prove it. Hehe.) And I hate the stupid MySpace angle. You can't achieve much else when you're taking it yourself and only have a distance of an arm's length to work with me. Maybe I'll recruit my sister. She's getting pretty good. She's young, but eh, practice makes perfect, right?
Moving on... I'm going to make a to-do list. I have a whole list of things that need done, and I feel as if I organize myself I'll get them done faster and actually do them.I got in a sort of half-assed argument with the man lover best friend guy thing. I don't even much care to put it down in words. I'm getting sick of it though. I really am. Suffice it to say that we never see each other much any more and he had the balls to call me while I was trying to sleep, ask me to hang out, then tell me to go back to sleep without even letting me get two words in of my own say. Then he hung up and I cried. I talked to him at three in the morning about it and I think I kind of hurt his feelings, but he hurt mine too.
I just want things to be good like they used to be.
I'm starting to feel as if I was meant to be single and alone forever. No one can put up with me for very long, it seems. Sigh. I'm just sick of it. I don't understand why it's like this.
I'm supposed to see him later today. I don't even know if I want to right now. Bleh. Men. I'd like to take the whole lot of them and give them a good beating just for good measure. (Not that all men suck all of the time, just all of them suck some of the time.) I just hope it goes well. He wants to spend all day with a bunch of people that I absolutely adore, but I'd rather just have a little us time too. Too much to ask? Probably.
I've decided to take up photography again. I was looking through my photos and I've decided to bust out my collection of cameras again. I missed the old film camera. You know, the kind where you actually have to be a decent photographer for them to have any effect. I'm tired of this digital crap where you can take a thousand pictures and hope one of them turns out good. Uh-uh, no sir, that isn't for me.
I mean, sure, a digital camera is nice for when you're just hanging out or something, so you can take quick pictures and capture the memories, but I meant I was going to take up serious photography again. Take some landscapes and whatnot, real portraits. I wish I had someone to photograph me though. Ugh. None of my friends are any good with a camera. At least, none of my friends whom I hang out with any more are any good with a camera.
Not to brag, but I'm pretty photogenic. (I've got three huge trophies and some modeling credentials to prove it. Hehe.) And I hate the stupid MySpace angle. You can't achieve much else when you're taking it yourself and only have a distance of an arm's length to work with me. Maybe I'll recruit my sister. She's getting pretty good. She's young, but eh, practice makes perfect, right?
TO-DO LIST
Friday, July 02, 2010
---------------------------------------------
1. Laundry
-Status: Half-done
2. Clean room
-Status: Incomplete
3. Weed yard
-Status: One-quarter complete
Friday, July 02, 2010
---------------------------------------------
1. Laundry
-Status: Half-done
2. Clean room
-Status: Incomplete
3. Weed yard
-Status: One-quarter complete
9:06 am
Sat Jul 03, 2010 11:35 pm by xraineyesx
"The best thing one can do
when it's raining is
to let it rain."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
when it's raining is
to let it rain."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Saturday, July 3, 2010
11:25pm
11:25pm
I don't have much to update as usual. My to-do list remains in the same sorry state.
The good news is I'm finally making a little head-way in my novel and that last night was an absolute blast except for the five minute breakdown I had. Let's just say alcohol and being up for thirty-three hours straight mix well together until something sets me off. I'm like that, since my insomnia makes me cuckoo and all, heh. Yeah, I cried my heart out for like two minutes and then I was back off to dancing around the fire and laughing. Oh, before the fire, we watched fireworks at our town's annual Fourth of July weekend Fest thing. They aren't the best fireworks but it's a fun thing to do in a town like this, since there isn't anything to do.
Today was kind of standard. I came home toasted and passing out from being up too long yet again at five in the morning and slept on the couch until ten. (Yeah, I can't sleep for long periods of time either.) And then I went about some daily normal people stuff and commenced a day of writing and reading. I finished a book and actually made progress in my novel. And I posted the hell out of FOG. Hehe. I don't think it's a bad thing since my posts are legitimate or else in the OOC fun and games stuff.
Tomorrow, I probably won't be around much except in the morning or maybe late night. I don't know yet. I don't really like holidays, especially this one. It's a nonsense excuse for dad to cook steaks and for everyone to sit around and pretend like they want to watch sports. And then dad might light fireworks, the only good part of the day. And if I do anything but sit around, I'll be condemned for being the 'bad daughter' who doesn't care about America or her family. Great.
Well, I'm out. Peace.
The good news is I'm finally making a little head-way in my novel and that last night was an absolute blast except for the five minute breakdown I had. Let's just say alcohol and being up for thirty-three hours straight mix well together until something sets me off. I'm like that, since my insomnia makes me cuckoo and all, heh. Yeah, I cried my heart out for like two minutes and then I was back off to dancing around the fire and laughing. Oh, before the fire, we watched fireworks at our town's annual Fourth of July weekend Fest thing. They aren't the best fireworks but it's a fun thing to do in a town like this, since there isn't anything to do.
Today was kind of standard. I came home toasted and passing out from being up too long yet again at five in the morning and slept on the couch until ten. (Yeah, I can't sleep for long periods of time either.) And then I went about some daily normal people stuff and commenced a day of writing and reading. I finished a book and actually made progress in my novel. And I posted the hell out of FOG. Hehe. I don't think it's a bad thing since my posts are legitimate or else in the OOC fun and games stuff.
Tomorrow, I probably won't be around much except in the morning or maybe late night. I don't know yet. I don't really like holidays, especially this one. It's a nonsense excuse for dad to cook steaks and for everyone to sit around and pretend like they want to watch sports. And then dad might light fireworks, the only good part of the day. And if I do anything but sit around, I'll be condemned for being the 'bad daughter' who doesn't care about America or her family. Great.
Well, I'm out. Peace.
11:34 pm
Mon Jul 12, 2010 4:28 pm by Kalon Ordona II
I haven't tried commenting like this before, so I hope I haven't blown it. 
*waves* Hi, Raine! ^^
( Oh look, we have actual smileys for those! Lemme start over. xD )
Hi, Raine! 
Sorry to hear about your insomnia. It looks like some others here on FOG have the same problem. I also have a sister who seems physically unable to get to sleep until very, very late.
The hallucinations are natural, though, if that eases your mind about it.
It's your subconscious mind forcing you to dream. I've sometimes wondered what that must be like, but it doesn't sound pleasant. I hope knowing what's going on makes it less unnerving for you.
They outlawed fireworks this year, where I live. People still did it, but there was none of the characteristic firecracker litter all over the street. That was surreal. xD
Anyway they had a big professional fireworks show instead, so, I dunno, I guess I can see where they're coming from. There's all these kids who think it's funny to play with blowing their hands off, so they figure it's best kept to the professionals. On one hand, I agree, and on the other, I think it should be people's own choice. You get much more awesome fireworks shows when it's done professionally, though, and that's half of what I love about Firecracker Day.
The rest of what I love about Independence Day
is the origins of America. 
( I dunno, that smiley just kinda feels patriotic to me. 
)
Anyway, hope you had fun! ^^
*waves* Hi, Raine! ^^
( Oh look, we have actual smileys for those! Lemme start over. xD )
Hi, Raine! Sorry to hear about your insomnia. It looks like some others here on FOG have the same problem. I also have a sister who seems physically unable to get to sleep until very, very late.
The hallucinations are natural, though, if that eases your mind about it.
It's your subconscious mind forcing you to dream. I've sometimes wondered what that must be like, but it doesn't sound pleasant. I hope knowing what's going on makes it less unnerving for you. They outlawed fireworks this year, where I live. People still did it, but there was none of the characteristic firecracker litter all over the street. That was surreal. xD
Anyway they had a big professional fireworks show instead, so, I dunno, I guess I can see where they're coming from. There's all these kids who think it's funny to play with blowing their hands off, so they figure it's best kept to the professionals. On one hand, I agree, and on the other, I think it should be people's own choice. You get much more awesome fireworks shows when it's done professionally, though, and that's half of what I love about Firecracker Day.
The rest of what I love about Independence Day
is the origins of America. ( I dunno, that smiley just kinda feels patriotic to me. )Anyway, hope you had fun! ^^
Mon Jul 19, 2010 1:06 am by xraineyesx
Hi Kalon!I don't think you screwed anything up. You didn't in my eyes, and since it's my journal, it's all good! Heh.
It's okay about the insomnia. I am used to it. It freaks a lot of people out, and quite a few of my close friends worry about me because of it. But I don't worry so much. And yes, I know that about the "hallucinations" (hence the quotations). I didn't used to know about it though, so it was really freaky and I didn't know what was happening. It's still really hard to go through, because it's just, well, scary. You'd understood if you ever had it happen to you.
The laws about fireworks around here are horseshit, but hey, whatever. I don't make 'em, I don't care. We still break 'em anyway. *shrugs* They're just fireworks.
Lol. I had lots of fun, thanks. I hope you did too.
Thanks for the comment, Kalon!
Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:19 am by xraineyesx
"A rose must remain with the sun and the rain
or its lovely promise won't come true."."
Ray Evans
or its lovely promise won't come true."."
Ray Evans
Thursday, October 21, 2010
8:04 AM
It's been a long time, FOG... It's good to be back.
Let's see. What can I say? There's a lot I could say, but where to even start? Hm... I'll start with today... I've been up all night (again, what's new?) and have class from 12:30-5:30 pm straight through with a half-hour break. I'm not looking forward to that and fully expect to be a grouch-ass most of my day. I'll just keep chugging back the coffee (no, that isn't why I'm awake. I drink it, because I like it and it will make me be nicer to those around me.)
Today's to-do list: theatre (recite both monologues), history (civil war stuff), choir (singing, duh). I need to write an article or two. College is expensive, and I need to make money. Too bad I don't have enough time to make a decent amount.
I went to (a hurried) breakfast with an old friend that I haven't gotten to see much, so that was nice. It was nice to have any awake to go to breakfast with; usually, no one is awake at this hour but me unless my roommate or boyfriend stays up all night. They didn't. Both snoring away, ha.
Let's see... Let's see... I'll give you the abridged version of important updates:
1. The man-friend-thing and I became official Thursday, September 23, 2010. It's been over a year since we became involved, and I know that sounds lame, but I wanted to take my time. I'm over the moon, but I'm still fearful. I've just managed to overcome my anxieties and let myself be happy. He obviously is going anywhere any time soon. He's stuck around longer than anyone (not by much) and still no major problems. Needless to say, I'm very, very happy.
2. I started my sophomore year of college in West Virginia on Monday, August 22, 2010. I'm doing so much better this year than last. (Serious mental/life problems last year.) I've got straight A's currently (midterms were last week) and hopefully they will stay that way.
3. My mother's mother (my grandmother, obviously) is living at my home in PA and has been since early August.
4. I saw Anti-Flag and four other bands (The Riverboat Gamblers, The Flatliners, Strike Anywhere, and The World's Scariest Police Chasers) in Pittsburgh two weekends ago, which was so, so awesome. Anti-Flag and The Riverboat Gamblers are some of my favorite bands, and I always love a live show.
5. This past weekend I went home and visited with some... well, old 'acquaintances' but soon to be very good friends. (Old friends of the boyfriend that I've hung out with a few times.) Why is this so awesome? Because they are some of the coolest people I know, have the same interests, and love to have fun, unlike most of my friends here in WV.
6. My best friend is transferring to my school in the spring! She got her acceptance letter last night. I am overjoyed!
Really, that's the major markers for right now. Of course there are a bunch of other things that were kickass or fun or bad or whatever, but I don't even know that I could write them all down!
I'm going to try and update more often now that I plan on being around FOG again. No computer problems and high-speed = much more time on FOG.
I'm off to write some articles before class and practice my monologues!
Xo.
Raine
[right]8:17 AM
Thu Oct 21, 2010 9:42 am by xraineyesx
I decided to put some pics here instead of terrorizing the Post Yo' Pic thread, haha.
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:37 am by xraineyesx
"And when it rains on your parade,
look up rather than down.
Without the rain, there would be
no rainbow."."
Gilbert K. Chesterton
look up rather than down.
Without the rain, there would be
no rainbow."."
Gilbert K. Chesterton
Monday, October 25, 2010
4:08 AM
Guess what everyone?! This is my
1000TH POST!
I am so excited about that. Is that ridiculous? It's not like I've spammed, trying to get here, but it seems like a landmark here on FOG. I don't know how many people have a 1,000 posts, but it doesn't seem too many. Sowwy. I'm bragging. But I'm just so darn pleased.
Anyway! Onto my boring (haha, joke) life: I am write, write, writing away, as usual. But let's see. It's been one heck of a weekend. Friday was one month of being official with the boyfriend, so yay for that. But I had to share it with errands, classes, eating, breathing, etc., and Relay for Life. I walked from midnight until four or five in the morning. And then I overslept Saturday morning (I didn't fall asleep until about 8 am and hadn't been asleep Friday night or Thursday night.
I don't have too much to report, honestly. It's been pretty relaxed around here, which is nice.
I can't wait to go home, though. I miss being home and seeing my dogs. Oh, and my family.
Side-note: I wish the eatin' places around this joint were open, because I am hungry. I mean, it is 4:19 am, but still... I'm at the boyfriend's place, and well, boys don't know how to grocery shop. (Or clean. But that's a different matter.)
Things to Accomplish This Week:
1. Get my drop class form signed.
2. Clean my room/laundry.
3. Write 10,000 words in novel.
4. Take landscape/area pictures. (It's so pretty right now.)
5. Write five articles for AC.
6. Recite both monologues in theatre.
New pictures:
- Spoiler:
[right]4:36 AM
Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:20 am by xraineyesx
"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
2:54 AM
Well, not much to up-date again. Just that we got in a car crash Monday night. My friend was driving and my roommate was with me. We were going to Sheetz and were on our way back, and the roads in WV are really curvy. It had been raining, and my friend's back tires are pretty much bald (Didn't find that out 'til after the fact).
Anyway, he lost control of his back end and we spun out of control toward the side of the road that was pretty much a cliff into a bunch of trees, and he somehow corrected it. But he over-corrected it, and we ended up spinning more out of control and spinning head-first into a tree, which then ricocheted us into the middle of the road sideways.
We had to call the cops and stand around in the wet, rainy weather for, I don't know, two hours? Until his car could get towed and another friend could come and get us.
No pictures, because my phone was dying at the time and the camera won't work if the battery is dying, but the front end of his car is demolished. It's not totaled but everything below his lights is either gone or hanging off the car, and his fan is pushed up into his engine.
No one was hurt, fortunately, except for some bruises and bumps and some overall soreness. My body doesn't like moving currently, ha. But other than the car, there was no significant damage.
Things to Accomplish This Week:
1. Get my drop class form signed.
- I had it signed, but Sensei is so ridiculous that it's been so long I HAVE to get a new form... Not happy.
2. Clean my room/laundry.
3. Write 10,000 words in novel.
- 1000+ written currently
- I hope to have this accomplished by Sunday.
4. Take landscape/area pictures. (It's so pretty right now.)
- I took a few yesterday
5. Write five articles for AC.
- One done; four to go.
- Took on a flash fiction article contest.
6. Recite both monologues in theatre.
- We practiced them today, but I still have to recite them both in front of the class at some point, I believe.
Well, that's it for now, loves.
Xo.
3:18 AM
Sun Nov 14, 2010 1:27 am by xraineyesx
"Vows made in storms are forgotten in calm."
Thomas Fuller
Thomas Fuller
Sunday, November 14, 2010
12:09 AM
What can I even write? I feel so ... drained. And I need to go home.
My friends suck. My school sucks. My classes suck. And I sound like a stupid fuck right now. But seriously, is it asking too much for something - anything - to go right for once? If I'm not crashing into cars, I'm getting yelled at, or my roommate is passing out and ending up in the hospital, or my school is under lockdown or in the news for terrible things, or just the stupid little things, like not being able to find a lighter.
But anyway, this past week has been ridiculous. I've been screamed at, I've been cried on, I've been called and told horrible things, I've bawled my eyes out in the caf at lunch - all courtesy of my 'best friends'. Because they can't get along with one another any more, I get put in the middle of it and told "you'd better not talk to her, and if you do, our friendship is over' and 'she's such a bitch and needs to grow up and I won't apologize to her', blah blah blah. And they both want me to fix it. How can I?
Neither of them will listen to me; neither of them will talk to one another. But they expect me to miraculously fix it for them. All the time screaming at me and bitching and all that wonderful bullshit. Yesterday, I woke up to my roommate shouting, "Why the fuck don't you just move out and fuck off if you don't want to be friends?! I'd be fine with that." And then she stormed out of the room and slammed the door on me - not the first time in the past couple of days.
I can't deal with them any more.
On a happier note, in six days I can go home for ten days!
And I can't wait until then. Ugh, I can NOT wait. I still am thinking about that semester off, but I have a really long Christmas break, so... it's tabled for now, and I'm going to give it some more thought first. After all, making any rash decisions like that would just be stupidity.
Oh, and I don't think I accomplished anything on my to-do list in my last post. Great.
NaNo is kicking my ass. But I can make that up - if I had anything to write about instead of fumbling about blindly! This is what I get for winging it with no plot.
However, my room is clean. My laundry needs done - again - as always. I need to go grocery shopping though. I need to write a paper, turn in another one, revise some analysis for theatre, study for a test, and a bunch of other crap for school. Oh, and I need to write my band director an apology email for not going to the football game, but hey, if I wanted to march, I would have done it. There's a reason I was in concert band; a large part of it was hating football games, especially ones I have to watch.
Well, I suppose I'm out of things to bitch about for now, haha. There's a lot of important things going on, but I don't even want to write it all down... so I won't.
Love,
Raine.
12:25 AM
Wed Nov 17, 2010 3:57 pm by xraineyesx
50 Songs
- Spoiler:
Basically, post the first line from the first fifty songs that come up on my shuffle. Here they are. It's supposed to be a guessing game, but I don't care about that. I make my own rules.
1. "Girl you have no faith in medicine. Oh, girl, you have no faith in medicine."
Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine, The White Stripes
2. "Confident with your back to the audience... Tremolo strings begin with your gesturing wrist."
The Conductor, The Faint
3. "The years unfold in one moment, voices that we heard so loud are now suddenly silenced."
Six Ways 'Til Sunday, Rise Against
4. "Yeah! And if your heart stops beating, I'll be here wondering did you get what you deserve?"
Dead!, My Chemical Romance
5. "Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, Oh-Oh-Oh, whoa! Go! Inside a Wall Street mind a psycho lurks, lines of cocaine cut in Hell."
American Psycho, The Misfits
6. "When we were young, the future was so bright. The old neighborhood was so alive. "
The Kids Aren't Alright, Evergreen Terrace
7. "Dedication is the price you pay: the initiated are coddled and caged. "
Submission Complete, Bad Religion
8. "Life is so boring, it's really got me snoring. I'm wearing out the flooring in a cheap motel."
The Air Near My Fingers, The White Stripes
9. "What ever happened to twin sets? What ever happened to Hi-fi? What ever happened to TV sex?What ever happened to you and I?"
What Ever Happened To?, The Buzzcocks
10. "It'll take you as high as the Heavens. It'll take you to the depths of Hell."
Drug Train, Social Distortion
11. "A fire from the sky rains brimstone from above (no god, no truce)."
Corruption, Rancid
12. "Baby girl, I'm a blur. I spoiled, stunted, sickened her. "
Baby Girl, I'm a Blur, Say Anything
13. "I want to hypnotize you, baby, on the telephone."
Hypnotize, The White Stripes
14. "I have no consideration, zero mutual respect, for billions who suffer from rational thought neglect."
Best God In Show, NoFX
15. "Here it is again. Yeah, it stings like the first time. Seems it never ends, double nickels on your dime."
Calling All Skeletons, Alkaline Trio
16. "I tried to apply. I can't get loose. My day is to myself. Put my brain in a noose."
Clocked In, Black Flag
17. "Sometimes I think it would be better if you just walked away, stopped returning phone calls, come out to see the band play."
Big Fish, Zox
18. "Well, the kids are all hopped up and ready to go. They're ready to go now."
Sheena Is a Punk Rocker, The Ramones
19. "All the rowboats in the paintings, they keep trying to row away, and the captains' worried faces stay contorted and staring at the waves."
All the Rowboats, Regina Spektor
20. "They say I need some Rogaine to put in my hair. Work it out at the gym to fit my underwear."
Pork and Beans, Weezer\
21. "She's a painting outta focus with no good sense of intention; she's authentic.”
Decom-poseur, NoFX
22. "Half underwater. I'm half my mother's daughter. A fraction's left up to dispute.”
Half-Jack, The Dresden Dolls
23. "The sun was setting in the West. The birds were singing in every tree. All nature seemed inclined for to rest, but still there was no rest for me.”
Farewell to Nova Scotia, The Real McKenzies
24. "In a desperate mind, little gardens grow. They grow very wide. They grow very tall.”
Ill in the Head, The Dead Kennedys
25. "Winter is here again. Oh Lord, haven't been home in a year or more.”
Wheel in the Sky, Journey
26. "Low down, once again. Well I'm strugglin' now to get by, my friend.”
Low Down, Hank III
27. "Turncoat! Killer! Liar! Thief! Criminal with protection of the law.”
Turncoat, Anti-Flag
28. "It's an into the sunrise aesthetic. Let's pretend this is an informed consent.”
Mutiny on Electronic Bay, Against Me!
29. "The world is a vampire, sent to drain. Secret destroyers hold you up to the flames.”
Bullet With Butterfly Wings, Four Year Strong
30. "Under dark waters the light glows, in the eyes of cats at night it shows. All pain and sorrow left behind, and through the darkness my love shines.”
Through the Darkness, Tiger Army
31. "Got a big plan, his mind's set, maybe it's right, atthe right place and right time, maybe tonight.”
Tear You Apart, She Wants Revenge
32. "What the hell is wrong with me? I'm not who I want to be.”
What's My Name, The Clash
33. "These are my people. This is the land where my forefathers lie. These are my people.”
These Are My People, The Man
(For those of you who don't know, that's Johnny fucking Cash.)
34. "I would wrap the world in clover, but you make me see my way. And I would die for you tomorrow. Would you come to me today? ”
Never Met a Girl Like You Before, Flogging Molly
(This song makes me cry... =( …)
35. "This place is cold and lonely. You better start to worry. There's no ever leaving here.The spell is all around us, making my world feel worthless, a ghost imprinted in the air.”
Black Anathema, Calabrese
36. "I am a death house haunted mirror, acerbic heart - ain't nothing pure in here.”
Sing Sing, Death House, The Distillers
37. "Were you dying to go? You just looked so exposed, demure through the dark dancing lights.”
Darling, I Want to Destroy You, AFI
(This album was a disappointment...)
38. "You see me and you laugh out loud. You taunt me from safe inside your crowd. My looks, they must threaten you to make you act the way you do.”
Seeing Red, Minor ThreatI
(I'm seeing RED!)
39. "This is the season, and I'll tell you something: I gots a hard on, and it aint for nothing. This is the season to commit punk rock treason.”
Season, Guttermouth
40. "We get high in backseat circles. We break into mobile homes. We go to sleep to shake up things, never wake up on our own.”
The Way We Get By, Spoon
41. "Well, that's what I thought. You always finish before we start. Don't have to say a word
living for these moments.”
My Other Side, Comeback Kid
42. "Today is gonna be the day that they throw it back to you. By now you should have somehow realized what you gotta do.”
Wonderwall, Oasis
43. “Situations are irrelevant now. She loves the way that I tease, I love the way that she breathes.”
Situations, Escape the Fate
44. “I put on my overcoat and walked into winter. My teeth chattered rhythms, and they were grouped in twos and threes like a Morse code message was sent from me to me.”
I Was a Kaleidoscope, Death Cab for Cutie
45. “(It's my, it's my, it's my life! It's my, it's my, it's my life! 1,2,3,4!) Everybody's got a price to pay. (It's my, it's my, it's my life!) Gonna do things my own way.”
It's My Life, Agnostic Front
46. “Well you impress me so completely. I start obsessing to hear from you. Whatever you do, you do sweetly. It takes a lot to not take from you.”
These Stones Will Shout, The Raconteurs
47. “When I was younger, I lived in fear that incarceration of some kind is near.”
Undestructable, Gogol Bordello
48. “I've paid my dues time after time. I've done my sentence but committed no crime. And bad mistakes? I've made a few.”
We Are The Champions, Queen
(What?! Do you want to fight about it?! I like Queen! >:[ )
49. “I wanna have the same last dream again, the one where I wake up and I'm alive. Just as the four walls close me within, my eyes are opened up with pure sunlight. ”
The Adventure, Angels and Airwaves
50. “(1, 2, 3, 4!) We're the bastard children of a nation whose dreams have died. Everything we believe in it all turned out to be a lie.”
Weapons of Mass Deception, The Unseen
(And we end on a nice, oh-so-happy punk note. )Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Love Letter
- Spoiler:
- Yep, screw the rules.
Rules:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, Ect. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press next button for your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THE SONG NAME NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT IS!
4. Tag 20 friends.
5. Everyone tagged must do the same thing.
If someone says ' are you ok' you say?
“Step Right Up”
by Tom Waits
What do you like in a guy or girl?
“Hey Jude”
by The Beatles
How do you feel today?
“Genius Next Door”
by Regina Spektor
What's your life's purpose?
“An Orgy of Critics
by Say Anything
What's your life's motto?
“Time Turned Fragile”
by Motion City Soundtrack
What do your parents think of you?
“If You Wanna Steal (You'd Better Learn How to Lie)”
by Anti-Flag
What do you think about them?
“Evening”
by Calabrese
(Okay -s ide-note: I really, really, really fucking love this song.
Ten twenty eight two thousand and one
The moon rose in the night
Shadows parted to shine down
Upon this little girl
Evening
Evening was born
Jack-o-lanterns in a row
The corn reaped in the fields
A spirit entered into this life
A change upon this world
[chorus]
Open up your coffin, and let us in
Open up your coffin, and let us in
Win.)
What do you think of your best friends?
“Alive and Well”
by Rise Against
Whats is your life story?
“The Fear of Being Found”
by Blaqk Audio
What do you want to be when you grow up?
“Kill the Poor”
by The Dead Kennedys
What do you think when you see the person you like?
“Shiksa (Girlfriend)”
by Say Anything
(AHAHAHAHAHAHAH. OHMYGOD. Okay. Breathe... Not only is the title funny, but if you know the lyrics, it's even funnier. xD)
What will you dance to at your wedding?
“Jingle Bells Deep”
by Master Shake
(OH HOLY SHIT. This requires lyrics:
Ah, eff. Can't find lyrics. So here's a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTXDfubrrPA)
What will they play at your funeral?
“When I Come Around”
by Green Day
What is your passion in life?
“Whoops, I OD'ed””
by NoFX
(This song is so sad... =( … I need to go change this now.)
What is your biggest fear?
“Through the Darkness”
by Tiger Army
What is your biggest secret?
“The Kilburn High Road”
by Flogging Molly
What do you want right now?
“Hot Dog to the Head”
by Guttermouth
What will you title this note?
“The Love Letter”
by Blaqk Audio
100 Truths
- Spoiler:
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you're screwed. You are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. If you don't even have 25 friends, don't even do this. lol You have to tag the person who tagged you or get roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.
(To do this, go to "notes" under tabs on your profile page, copy and paste this note, erase my answers and enter your own, tag people, then click publish.)
Again, fuck the rules.
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage:
Water
2. Last phone call:
My mama, I think
3. Last text message:
Kevin Roche.
4. Last song you listened to:
“California Stars”[/i]
by Billy Bragg and Wilco
5. Last time you cried:
Last Friday.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone:
Yes.
More than once.
Am currently.
7. Been cheated on:
Unfortunately.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it:
I don't believe in regrets.
9. Lost someone special:
Who hasn't?
10. Been depressed:
Again, who hasn't?
11. been drunk and threw up:
Ask my friends.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Green
13. Red
14. Purple
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend?
Yes, I believe so.
16. Fallen out of love?
No, I have not.
17. Laughed until you cried?
No, I don't think so.
18. Met someone who changed you?
Every person you meet changes you
-whether you know them or not.
19. Found out who your true friends were?
Sure the hell did.
20. Found out someone was talking about you?
Someone is always talking about someone.
I'd be talking about them right now if I said yes.
21. Kissed anyone on your fb friend's list?
Yes.
GENERAL:
22. How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life?
Basically all of them.
I can think of one that I don't.
24. Do you have any pets?
Three dogs.
One cat.
A fish tank.
26. What did you do for your last birthday?
Went out to eat.
Saw a movie.
Got arrested.
Well, not quite, but that would have made it more interesting, wouldn't it have?
We did get pulled over though.
No, I was not driving.
27. What time did you wake up today?
Seven am.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping for once.
I'm sick.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for:
Thanksgiving break.
Friday!
30. Last time you saw your Mother:
A month ago almost exactly.
Too long ago.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
I wouldn't normally say this, but it's one of those kind of days:
everything.
32. What are you listening to right now?
Brothers on a Hotel Bed
by Death Cab for Cutie
So sad, so pretty.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?
Yes.
Despite the fact that my uncle is named Thomas,
the answer is still yes.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now?
Every single thing possible.
35. Most visited web-page?
Facebook.
Google.
FOG.
NaNoWriMo.
37. Nicknames:
Depends on who you're talking to.
I have about a million of them.
My family calls me 'Boo' or 'Princess'.
Everyone else calls me... well, everything under the sun.
38. Relationship Status:
Taken.
39. Zodiac Sign:
Sagittarius.
The Horse Archer.[/b]
40. He or She?
If that's a question,
then fuck you.
I am a female, or a woman, if you will.
And if you want to know my gender,
say so.
41. Elementary?
One.
SES.
42. Middle School?
One.
CAMS.
43. High School?
One.
CAHS.
44. Hair Color?
All-natural at the moment.
Which means:
ginger.
45. Long or short?
Long.
46. Height:
I don't know exactly.
5'9” or 5'10” possibly.
47. Do you have a crush on someone?
It's a little more than a crush.
48: What do you like about yourself?
This is kind of a pretentious question, if you ask me.
I like myself in general.
You have to like yourself to like anyone else.
49. Piercings?
Just my ears.
50. Tattoos?
Negative.
51. Righty or lefty?
Right, pre-dominantly.
But I can do most anything with my left.
52. First surgery:
Only surgery.
Eight.
My mouth.
It's kind of a badass story.
53. First piercing:
Ears.
Only one, remember?
54. First best friend:
Someone I can't stand now.
55. First sport you joined:
Baseball.
58. First pair of trainers:
What are trainers, shoes?
And if so, I don't fucking know.
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating:
Negative.
60. Drinking:
Wasser.
61. I'm about to:
Continue doing this.
It's not finished, is it?
62. Listening to:
Stray Cat Strut
by Stray Cats
“Stray cat strut, I'm a ladies' cat,
A feline Casanova. Hey man, that's where its at!
Get a shoe thrown at me from a mean old man.
Get my dinner from a garbage can
Meow!”
63. Waiting for:
The weekend.
Because it's the start of Thanksgiving break.
64. Want kids?
What does this have to do with right now?
I don't want kids, and I certainly don't want them right now.
65. Get Married?
Again, right now? No.
Eventually, I suppose I might.
66. Career?
Again, right now?
A career isn't a right-now type of thing.
If you mean do I have a job, then yes.
I'm a freelance writer.
WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes?
Eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses?
Depends on from whom.
A little of both, though, I think.
69. Shorter or taller?
In a significant other?
Taller, please.
70.Older or younger?
Older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous?
Can you not have both?
72. Nice stomach or nice arms?
This is superficial.
I suppose, arms.
73. Sensitive or loud?
Again, can you not have both?
74. Hook-up or relationship?
The second, please.
75. Troublemaker or hesitant?
Again, you can be both.
I don't want someone who's hesitant.
But just because you aren't hesitant,
it doesn't make you a troublemaker.
[b]HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger?
No.
Yuck.
77. Drank hard liquor?
If I'm going to drink,
I prefer hard liquor.
78. Lost glasses/contacts?
All the time.
79. Sex on first date?
Hell naw.
80. Broken someone's heart?
So I've been told.
I believe it.
81. Had your own heart broke?
More than once.
83. Turned someone down?
More than once.
84. Cried when someone died?
Every time.
I cry for people who die even if I don't know them.
85. Fallen for a friend?
More than once.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself?
Not really.
It depends on what I'm believing in myself to do, I suppose.
87. Miracles?
I don't know.
88. Love at first sight?
Yes,
but only because I've actually seen it happen.
89. Heaven?
I don't know.
90. Santa Claus?
What am I, six?
No.
91. Kiss on the first date?
It depends on how the date goes.
Not that any one actually goes on dates any more...
92. Angels?
I used to.
I'm not so sure any more.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
One sec: isn't the whole point of this thing to be truthful. It's called '100 Truths'. Dumb fuck.
93. Had more than one gf?
I'm a girl.
I'm straight.
I've never had a girlfriend.
So, no.
94. Is there one person you want to be with right now?
Yep.
But he's always too busy for me.
So whatever.
95. Did you sing today?
I sing every single day.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?
Once, and it was probably the single biggest mistake of my life.
But I wouldn't take it back.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why?
Why the fuck would I want to do that?
I don't believe in regrets, so I wouldn't go to change anything.
And there's nothing worth re-living enough to fuck up my entire future.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?
Last year?
June 23.
But again, I don't believe in going back.
Because it's pointless.
99. You afraid of falling in love?
Incredibly.
But I'm already there...
100. Posting this as 100 truths:
Asshole.
You couldn't think of another question?
What the fuck else would I post it as?
Some clever witticism or song lyrics?
Fuck you.
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