I've decided what I wanted to write about as my first post. Well, actually, I haven't. As soon as I began to write this post I stopped, erased everything except for that post, and thought more about what to actually hit the "send" button on.
As I haven't roleplayed on this site yet, I can't talk about that. This, my introduction post, and this reply are my only 3 posts so I can't talk about any of this website.
I am currently writing a short or medium length novel on...well, I suppose it is a bit of a mixture of sorts. Fantasy and time-traveling science fiction all wrapped up into one genre. I don't know if I will be sharing it with the world or this forum or even getting it published. I'll have that sorted out when I'm closer towards what I suspect is the end of it.
Comment freely, I'll be adding more when I feel like sharing more of my life or problems in it. (:

I don't remember a time when there were people and places to go to
That wouldn't judge you or let you leave
Yet I've come to that point in life

All the people in the world are out to get me
And I'm living a horrible life
I'm waiting for the answers and searching for my heart
As it lies at the bottom of some trench
Taken by a wrench

I live without answers, breathe without air
Lie to the closest and tell to the fair
I will never forget you
Or the things that you've done
But I want to be gone from here

'Till I'm done.
--
I was going to write something about places and times and not remembering things when all of a sudden the above came out of me and I felt like writing it down.
Oh life and its suprises.

I just wish to put it this way: some people are better at manipulation than others. Those who know what techniques to use, who seem scary or dark in order to draw fear to make change; those who are very hard to resist siding with because of their ability to persaude. Those are the people we have to fear. Especially those who have a cause much deeper than what they give out to others. Change for mankind that leans towards the worst rather than the best of everyone.

But with the fear that we need to use, you can choose to follow them. Because you believe what they believe, follow them. Do not follow them because their techniques worked on you. Resist the techniques, go with yourself.

One may wonder why I am writing this, and I am not telling. But remember that just as Hitler talked Germany into fighting the Jews, someone can fight for a bad cause just as easily if they persuade people enough. All Nazis did not believe in the Halocaust, but they did believe in their leader.

Don't make the same mistake.

The post I just made was very dark, I realize, but it told what I believe to be true after witnessing people using persuasive techniques. I am double posting because this following post is TOTALLY different from the one before, and I like to seperate my ideas. Sue me.

2012. Some people are dreading it. Some people kid about theories because they do not believe in it. I've heard multiple theories. Some based on religion or other beliefs, others based on fiction or science fiction. Today, I heard someone who is obsessed with a coming zombie apocolypse say that this apocolypse is 2012's destructive event. I've heard that the world will stop in place and we will fry on one side and freeze on the other.

Say that none of these theories are correct. Say the world doesn't end on 2012.

Scratch that; say it does, but it was not caused by anyone except for ourselves. The fear of the date, 12-21-2012 may cause us to destroy ourselves, just as we do EVERY TIME we make war with each other.

War is as destructive as my idea of 2012 is. People have theorized that the world was going to end so many times in the past; 1-1-2000, 6-6-2006, etc. But who is to say that it won't end on 12-21-2112 or 1-1-3000 or even TOMORROW? Humans destroy each other every day, fighting with each other over ideas that sometimes make no sense.

We destroy ourselves even though we consider ourselves to be the smartest beings in the world. Maybe it will turn out like the American Civil War and the Spanish-American War. Humans fight each other until we see a problem with the way we are and we rebuilt; then we see a problem that could concern us and we fight against it.

Oh, wait a minute; both those wars were humans against humans.

Every day society is built up and destroyed. The iOS 4.0 is coming out, the iPhone 4 is coming out; both are considered to be giant advances in technology. We created synthetic life. Humans are building up science as we speak, but we are also BOMBING, DESTROYING, and KILLING in other nations so that THEY have to restart. Does this seem fair?

What happens when someone comes along and sees us fighting with each other and takes advantage of that. The people that can't fight back will be destroyed because they cannot fight back and the people that CAN will be previously engaged with EACH OTHER.

2012 will not be the reason we die; if the world ever ends, it will be only the human world because humans will destroy themselves.

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones..."

I'm not popular.

There, I admitted it. I admit it every day and every night to myself and sometimes even to others. I've expressed it every day and sometimes I even try to be different.

But yesterday was amazing. I felt like I was one of them, one of my classmates. It's our last year together and the only major thing I've done is be one of the lead editor of our yearbook and a failure on the varsity basketball team. We went out on the town, about half of us and a few friends -- like one of the people that left our school and we miss dearly.

Sometimes I want to text them just to do it, but I'm a wimp. That's why I don't have you. I don't have the guts to tell you my feelings AGAIN. And I don't have the guts to text one of your best friends and the girl that left even though I want to be at least their friend.

I know they'll never be my friend. They'll feel sorry for me or act like I'm their friend but I'm not. I know it.

Meanwhile, you've been one of the best in sports, with friends, and basically everything else. You basically led us to the girl's triple crown for our graduating class.

But both of us haven't had a great year.

And the reason you didn't have the best graduating year ever and the best birthday ever is because of the two guys that you love. Me and HIM.

I ruined your birthday. I'm sorry. I told you what I thought was the truth about HIM and I guess I was wrong. I've told you I'm sorry and yet feel like you will never forgive me. I act like I hate you and even told you that I can't deal with "pretending" to hate you.

I feel like I do hate you.

Your response was that I should keep pretending, that we won't see each other ever again after we graduate.

But we will, because you and your two best friends are having a party for our graduating class and I'm going. You said HE wasn't going, but I heard he was.

Can you please stop lying to me? You seem so happy when you talk about him, and you act like you hate me even though I want to believe you don't.

I wish you knew what HE said to me yesterday. "She really doesn't like you. I'm not trying to be mean, or anything, but she doesn't like you at all." The person you gossip with constantly swears HE doesn't hate me. But I hate HIM so I don't care.

At the party my plan was to leave nothing unsaid. To, for the third time, tell you that I love you, can't live without you, and am NOT going to keep pretending to hate you because it hurts you much. And just like you've acted like you're sorry and wondered if I hated you or if I was mad because of you and I lied and said "No" because I was lying to myself that I had a chance with you, you'll act like you actually care and lie again or blow me off again.

My best friend that's guided me through the traps and heartbreaks of loving you tells me that I should go for it. That if I don't I'll be more affected for not seeing if you'll be mine for however long you're going to be than if you say no.

But I know that if you reject me again I'll die. I'm a very different, more depressed person than I was before I loved you and I was pretty popular. Now I've collapsed. Parts of me have died because I wanted to change so you loved me or you've thrown me into a pit of despair one-too-many times. And I can't be sure how you feel about me because sometimes you act like you hate me and sometimes you act like you like me. So tell me, which one is it? You lie so much I can't tell.

Whoever read this post to here, can you please leave feedback or something so I know someone cares? I've gotten so many views but I've touched on so many topics and no one has responded. I can't talk to anyone else because my two best friends say I should go for it but one has a girlfriend and the other one is the most awesome kid I've ever met and they are nothing like me. I just want another person to talk to because my mom thinks I haven't loved this girl for months and I don't want to bring her up.

So, should I, Lauren? I mean, third time's the charm, isn't it?
[Even though you've lied to me so many times I still love you.
Even though you've been mean to me so many times I still love you.
Even though you've broken my hearts a countless amount I still love you.
Even though I hate myself for even thinking of loving you I still love you.
Even though I wish and have wished to get over you I still love you.
And even though a part of me hates you, I'll always remember you.]