Do You Think Spanking a Child is Wrong?

Spending time with my in-laws got me thinking. Do you think that spanking a child as a punishment is wrong? Or do you think that it’s alright to spank a kid if they’re misbehaving. Please vote on the poll and tell us why you chose what you did. Also, if you think it’s wrong, how would or how do you punish your child or children?

I picked yes and no. I had a long conversation about this last night with TJ because of some events that had happened with his nephew. I think that it’s wrong to beat the shit out of your kid, no matter what they’ve done. Kids will be kids and they do stupid stuff sometimes, but they don’t deserve to have the crap beaten out of them just for not listening or something like that. However, I do believe the children need to be disciplined. A spank on the bottom’s not going to hurt them. They’re kids and kids are resilient. They can take it.

I’m not saying that spanking is always the answer or anything like that. But it’s a way to show them that you’re not going to let them walk all over you, in a way. And for the record, I would never spank my child in public because that’s like humiliating the child and I wouldn’t want to do that. But there are other forms of punishment that you can go with. Like taking away their favorite toy, grounding them from doing something, that sort of thing. I think a combination of the two and a little praise now and then will get your child to respect you and to know that you aren’t messing around when you tell them to stop doing something, but to get them to also understand if they do something good or if they behave themselves that they’ll get rewarded. Either way, this is all just my opinion and I hope to hear some others, maybe pick up some tips for when I do become a parent.

Being a mother, this is something I know about. lol.

My son will be 2 in November. He is getting better at knowing what is right and wrong, but I still have to slap his little hand sometimes so he doesn't touch things. I don't spank him, I just tap his hand and tell him No and he listens.

He is still to young for taking toys away and for groundings, so I have no other choice since I don't like yelling at him. I think yelling is worse than spanking, but that's just my opinion.

I would and never have spanked CJ in public. I simply tell him No and give him that Mommy look and he stops whatever he is doing. I wouldn't ever spank CJ in public. That just makes things worse and people look at you like you're some monster and you beat your child when you're at home.

anyway...Thats my two cents...

Spanking is only good sometimes...

Yes and no. Spanking is a good way to get attention, and yelling is, I think, emotionally damaging. But spanking shouldn't be overdone and if you're yelling, you probably shouldn't be spanking; if you're yelling, you're losing it, odds are.

For better or worse, my mother, who was frustrated and trapped in the house as a stay at home mom after my brother was born, beat me pretty bad and it got to intervention level once my father found out (it took him months and months, despite bruising, and that's another story in and of itself.)

(Before any internet tough guys try to say I wasn't being beaten and I'm a wimp, let me just specify; when your mother is kicking you when you're in a fetal position on the ground, it's not a punishment spanking. So button up before you even open the stupid man-trap.)

It's hard to say, from my position, how it affected me (except that I'm lucky my temper didn't land me in jail for assault and battery when I was a bit younger,) but it certainly hasn't improved my attitude towards people that beat their children much. On the other hand, a spanking with a paddle or even a belt for something the kid DID do wrong is not wrong in my eyes. It's when the parent flies off the handle for almost nothing that it's way over the line.

Basically, if the kid is cringing and hiding everytime you look in their direction, there's a problem. It's a beating when they are getting it because you're frustrated, not because they did anything.

Thanks for your input, Anaris!

I totally agree, spanking, hitting, or even yelling at a kid in public gets you some nasty looks. I found that out with just sending the day with my future-in-laws. TJ’s nephew is so bad and when they yell at him (generally when he’s wandering away) they get some mean looks, lol. I kind of think it’s sad that you can’t beckon a child back without getting a look these days. Spanking, I get, but if you’re calling the kid back, there’s really no need for a dirty stare.

But seriously, the boy needs some discipline in his life because he doesn’t listen. And he’s old enough to get things taken away, they just don’t do it. Which is a shame. I mean, they don’t beat him or anything; a tap on the butt is about all I’ve seen them done. But it doesn’t work with him and I think they need to try something new. He’s part of the reason I started this thread, lol.

Thank you too, Heyseuss for your input.

Again, spanking and yelling in public is definitely a way to get the wrong kind of attention brought to you and if it’s done too much it’s definitely emotionally damaging. I think if it’s done every now and then it’s not that bad. But when a kid doesn’t do anything wrong, that’s a problem.

I actually know this girl who has a kid who’s about three or four now, I think. She beats her child (in public and out of public eye) when she steps one toe out of line. And that sort of crap disgusts me personally. I hate the way she treats her daughter and I just want to slap her upside her head to see how she likes it. Seriously, if this girl wasn’t involved with a friend of mine, I would have nothing to do with her at all. And she wants another kid. She’s just a horrible parent in my opinion. And when people tell her (the mother) to knock it off or that her daughter didn’t do anything wrong, she gets an attitude with them. I just don’t get it.

But again, spanking, yelling, or some sort of punishment when it’s called for and in moderation is generally fine and generally doesn’t cause damage in the future years for the children. Sorry, got a little psychological there at the end, haha.

If I was you, I would slap the shiznit out of that woman. I can't STAND parents who do that and then want more kids...

As to you Heyseuss, I'm a stay at home mom and it does get frustrating, but I would never beat my baby. I'd rather get beat myself than hurt him. I'm sorry your mother was like that.

Hah, the last thing she needs is another kid.

And yeah, as a result of the way I'd take a whooping, I took it out on my brother quite a bit as we grew up, and much of that because he was in his terrible twos around the time I started getting kicked around, so I transferred the blame over to him when he got older, which was also wrong.

The thing is, this shit is perpetuated that way. You get it, you take it out on someone else; my grandfather was uber-abusive; he once threw my uncle through a plate glass window. I'm not sure what went on in his family, but his father was a neglectful religious maniac and his mother ran off with another man. Then he went through WWII and Korea and was, without a doubt, a PTSD sufferer. But then, everyone has an excuse if they want to rationalize their way out and give a reason why they did what they did. My grandfather could have said he threw his son through a plateglass window because of what happened in April-September of 1950, and I can claim that I was beating down my brother because I got the same from my mom.

It was thoroughly whacked, but everyone involved sat down and figured out what they were doing and why and eventually worked things out.

In my way, I'm probably responsible for the way my brother became a brawler in middle and high school and that's not exactly a proud thought.

I'm not saying that all is forgotten, or that it didn't leave scars, but it was forgiven. In a way.

I firmly believe in disciplining a child, but not to the extent it damages them. There are ways to go about punishment, the number one thing that some parents lack is 'leadership' and being on top. It's pathetic watching a kid curse their parents out and call them names, because they don't give them what they want. I don't have kids at the time being, and when I do-I will promise to myself to not emotionally harm them in any way. I wouldn't want them to be afraid of me, no child should be scared of their parent-like literally scared that if they cough or sneeze wrong it's a beating.

Growing up I would get spankings (only if I did wrong), and sometimes my mom would go too far with yelling at me. I didn't grow up corrupted though-which is a good thing. My thing is just how some parents take it too far; I remember seeing a 'dad' in a store squeeze his two year old's arm and call him a "worthless piece of sh-t". Maybe he thought nobody noticed it, but I did, and I felt bad for the child; since I believed he didn't deserve that no matter what he could have done.

Arthmael wrote:I firmly believe in disciplining a child, but not to the extent it damages them. There are ways to go about punishment, the number one thing that some parents lack is 'leadership' and being on top.

I agree with this!

I also received spankings growing up, but my parents did them far longer than they should have. My dad wanted to keep spanking me when I was ten years old! I remember on one occasion then, my mom had to tell him in an embarrassed voice, "She is too old for spankings." My brother and I were never spanked very hard, and looking back on it now, it never really accomplished anything. I already knew I was doing bad, and spankings just made me resent my parents and embarrass the hell out of me.

I'm more on the side of do-not-spank.

I more than agree that kids need proper discipline. If they don't receive that growing up, then they will turn into delinquents. They need to be taught how to behave acceptably, both in public and in the privacy of their own homes. But there are numerous other ways to discipline your child and to let them know to change their behavior. When a child is very young, I don't think a small slap on the wrist is a big deal. It gets the point across. Having your child bend over in public though to spank them is really mentally damaging to that kid. Kids are far smarter than adults give them credit for. That kid more than likely knows to be embarrassed and to feel ashamed and mortified. For a parent to put their kid through that rather than simply setting them down and firmly explaining to them what they did was wrong and why is not a good idea.

I am very into the notion of treating your kids more like adults. Time and time again studies have shown that this method has proven successful. Kids of all ages respond better to being treated fairly and just like a human, rather than being treated like they're a baby. If your kid does something wrong, they probably will respond better to you if you simply explain to them why it was wrong, rather then yelling at them and telling them "no." If they understand properly, then more than likely, they won't do it again. I think that form of teaching will also help to not only give you as the parent respect in their eyes, but also put you in that leadership control, where they will look to you for future guidance.

I firmly believe that anyone who wishes to become a parent, or who plans on having a child (maybe they don't want to be a parent but are having kids anyway), should be expected to take mandatory parenting classes. Other that, I'm sure you guys will all agree with me that some people just shouldn't be parents.

I used to work at the Dollar General by my house, and there was this one lady that would come into the store all the time with her son, who was probably about 7 or 8. From the time she walked in the door to the time she left, she was screaming and yelling at her son, telling him he was bad, telling him he wasn't going to get anything, telling him that he thought he was so special and that he wasn't special at all. After a few times of this, I made up my mind that the next time she came in and wrote a check I was going to call CPS on her (because we required that phone numbers be included on checks), because she was just so verbally cruel to her son in the store, and I was afraid to think of how he must have been treated at home. Sadly, I never got the chance to call CPS because I never saw them in the store again before I quit.

One of the most heartbreaking things for me is the thought of a child being abused. I've been verbally abused, and while I was spanked, and probably a little more roughly than was necessary, my brother got the worst of it, and when I think back on it now, I feel a little resentment rising up in me- I think it's just as bad to have to witness it without being able to do anything about it as it is to be a victim to it.

That said, I believe spanking should be used as a last resort. With a little patience, it will hardly be necessary. Praising a child when he or she does something good or pleasing is just as effective at encouraging good behavior than punishing bad behavior is. Used in conjunction with kind reminders and explanations as to why such and such shouldn't be done is pretty much the best way. For sure, certain aged kids will respond better to different methods of discipline (obviously you can't get a two year old to understand why it's dangerous to run out into the middle of the road, but lavishing them with praise for every time they hold your hand and stay by your side is sure to do the trick), but it's a matter of feeling things out and knowing the child you're working with. Just like Fate has said, children appreciate when you treat them like a worthwhile human being, and can otherwise learn when they are not wanted or appreciated, and that can and usually does carry on into their adult lives.

/speech on parenting and discipline

I really think that's a good idea to, vitamin_kitten, to take parenting classes. There sadly are quite a few bad parents out there, and I'm sure most of them don't mean or are trying to be, but I think people just don't know how to properly handle taking on the responsibility of raising another life, and they can lose their tempers easily.

That's just horrible about that mom that you saw when you worked at the Dollar General. It's too bad that you couldn't call her in, but perhaps someone else may in the future (if they haven't already). That does sound like it would be very mentally and emotionally bruising to that child.

I really agree with everything you just said. As silly as it may sound at first, Victoria Stillwell's methods of training a dog (from the TV show It's Me or the Dog) are really things that can be applied to raising a kid, such as positive reinforcement and rewarding them for doing or being good, and letting them know in various ways not to do a certain thing and teaching them not to do it any more, not by screaming at them or spanking them right off the bat, but by showing them that it's wrong. I don't think spanking should be the first thing a parent does to show their children 'no,' like you said. :]

Human beings are animals too, and all animals, even down to earthworms, can be "trained." Positive and negative reinforcement, and positive and negative punishment are both things that work effectively, not just for earthworms, dogs, and cats, but for humans too. I mean, it might sound stupid or silly or something, but it's true.

That's a very good point.

I believe that spanking is acceptable, but it has to be done properly. I myself was spanked, a lot. But you see, where the punishment with me went wrong, was I was spanked with a three-foot wooden paddle. And I was spanked not five times for stealing the cookie, I would be spanked for thirty minutes if that's what it took to make me stop crying. (And being spanked with a wooden board til you can't cry is very hard).

I believe that spanking is good with limitations and in precise doses. Spanking to put fear in your child and make yourself the higher power is wrong.

I'm not one for multiple spankings. That happened to me and it didn't really do much but make me afraid of my father for months. In fact, I continued to do whatever it had been that I was spanked for. However, I do think a slap on the wrist on the ass or the back of the head is fine. My dad slaps me upside the head quite a lot when I'm being snarky(that explains a few things doesn't it. ::eyeroll:: ) and hell, it gets me to shut up.

So, no, I suppose I don't believe in spanking. I believe in slapping. I also think that it's better to talk to your child. My mother used to yell and wail and shout. Alternatively, my father would sit me down and go off on some long speech. As a child with diagnosed ADD I found that being sat down and talked to for two hours was far more grueling of a punishment. Still, I have held on to many of the things my father has told me growing up.

In my own opinion talking to your child is far more productive.

I agree that talking to a child is a much better alternative to spanking, but I believe that a swat on the ass or on the wrist to gain the child's attention is fine. As someone with hereditary headaches that I get all the damned time over nothing, I believe that even lightly thwapping a child upset her/his head is wrong. Obviously it doesn't really work with you, either, Inerio. It may shut you up for the time being, but you're still super snarky anyway. ^^_^^

As I said, a simple swat to get attention is fine, but full-blown spanking is wrong, especially when an object other than a hand is used. I also firmly believe that adults shouldn't spank others' children.

When I was seven, I stayed with a family of a friend from school while my mom, soon-to-be-step-father, and my older brother went on a trip. I actually wanted to stay home for a zoo field trip at school, but I later regretted not going with them. Anyway, like... the first night, my friend and I stayed up late chatting, and her father yelled at us a few times to no avail. Little girls are chatty creatures, and we were excited. Anyway, he came in with a belt and beat both of our asses. I totally thought that was complete bullshit, and I lost all respect for her father. I just viewed him as a horrible man, and I avoided him like the plague henceforth.

I also have a funny story! Once my grandma visited one of her sisters when they were all younger. One of her sister's daughters was being a real daemon, and her father became really furious. I think she was calling her mother horrible names. Anyway, he told her he was going to beat her ass with a belt, but my grandmother's sister said, "No, no! I'll do it." So... the daughter cowered in fear as her mother ran upstairs to grab a belt, but she came back down with one of those scarf-like belts, and she bent her daughter over her knee, and she wacked her bum with the scarf, and the daughter screamed just like she would have if it had been a real belt.

Needless to say, after that, the daughter was good. Interesting technique, no?

But yeah. Sometimes spanking just isn't appropriate... In the latter case, sometimes it is. XD

Spanking is good, yes. I picked Yes/No because the parent has to be in a good state of mind. As in: not correcting them out of anger, but out of love. And it probably shouldn't be any place other than the cushiony bottom.

We always got hugs afterward, and we talked about what was done wrong and things. =) Of course, I would say there's an age limit. I don't think anyone in my family over ten has gotten spanked.

I think they had a smart way of doing it, my parents. They wouldn't use their hand or a paddle or a belt. My dad actually made a couple 2' x 1.5" wooden rods and softened the corners. Worked great because it was a flat surface, but it didn't cause any accidental pain with the corners. No bare bottoms or anything, either--except with older babies or toddlers (using hand and not rod with kids that young, obviously).

They'd tell us what we did that was wrong, calculate the level and number of swats--pretty much according to a pre-set pattern, administer the correction, then a little more explanation while hugging afterward. Maybe ask a few questions like, what to do next time. We always knew exactly what we did wrong, and why it was wrong, and it was always fair for everybody involved. And I'm not just saying this now in hindsight--we actually felt that way back then as kids, too.

Anyway, it's a great physical reminder for young kids of what's right and what's wrong. When done in love, they'll really learn their lesson and won't become bitter later on in life (by, say, confusing spanking with hitting or beating).

It should be both: spanking and talking in love, and not hitting or lecturing in anger.