Letters That You Won't Send

Sometimes our heads are so clouded with feelings and thoughts that it's hard to make sense of it all. Try as we might to squeeze our eyes shut and put an end to the buzz in the back of our heads, the thoughts won't go away. This is a thread that can maybe help us make sense of our feelings, or even just vent.

Do you not like the way your friend is treating you? Write them a letter. Are you really excited about going to London? Write a letter to London. Is your stomach feeling achy because of that sandwich you ate? Well, write that sandwich a letter and give it a piece of your mind!

It doesn't matter whether your mad, sad, or happy. Whether your writing to a person, object, or abstract idea. Just write.

This thread has but one rule, don't reply to letters in the thread. Don't write letters to one another. Should it happen that you are upset with someone in FOG or even in real life, make the TO: So and so anonymous. After all, these are letters you won't send. So if the person it was intended for reads it and knows it was intended for them, it defeats the purpose.

Example letter:

Dear Karma,

You are indeed a bitch.

Love,
Inerio

>_< I think... maybe... this might qualify as such... it's a letter I wrote to a "friend" after she betrayed me.

The only difference is I DID send it (and I actually DON'T regret it). It shows the side of me that is NASTIEST to the extreme.

So, all of you, your view on the Nice Mr. Frosty might be shattered, but don't worry. I don't generally reach this extreme, but it IS an extreme enough to break a friendship.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Before proceeding, I'd like to ask you kindly that you not reply to this e-mail. In fact, stop reading it whenever you feel like it. In the end, it will only satisfy my thoughts on the matter.



Ah, good miss *won't reveal the name*... I think it's time to really say goodbye. You're really going to hate me after this, but I won't care, because you know what?

I am sick of your bullshit. You wanted me to grow up? Fine. You won't listen to respectful, calm, humble Frost so now I am going to give you the full torrent of anger that you have summoned up.

Where to start?

First, to Miss *Person 1*. Yes, poor, pitiful girl. Yes, she is indeed pathetic. Posting her personal medical record on the internet to some pack of strangers you've never met in real life is a petty excuse for a self-defense. She wanted pity... and you know what? She's gonna get it from me.

Next, to the ever-present *Person 2*. What a hypocrite. Here she is, getting up in my face for next to NOTHING and then she cowers behind yet - uh oh! - another wall of pity. VERY impressive. And disgusting.

*Person 3*... incompetent. "I'm her guildmate, not her mother", she says. Goes parallel with a cop saying to a woman who's purse got stolen "I'm a cop, not God". Shirking from responsibility at the expense of another's misery is, in all honesty, the most selfish bullshit I've ever seen.

And you. You, you, you, you, YOU. I trusted you. Befriended you. Not once did I disrespect you. Not once did I slap you in the face. You know what? You're right. It's not a crime to disagree with someone. On the contrary, toss me your worse, but not once did you bother to put yourself in my shoes. Not once did you believe in me, even try to understand me, not even consider that maybe, JUST maybe, I was telling the truth. All that time studying religions, cultures, and people, but I tell you now you wasted your years. What good is knowing something if you don't understand it? Worthless. You have not earned my respect. You are so much like... ah, yes, the girl who broke my heart last time, only without the fake OOC romance and a fake IC one. You know, you're really pathetic, too. How much you looked upon me with disdain, how much you disliked me. "One foot deeper each time", you put it. Of course, you were talking about IC Frost then, but it will shock you to realize that Frost and I are almost exactly alike in belief, motion, emotion, action, reaction, and whathaveyou. Each time you spoke to me you sunk deeper and deeper, worrying about the depth of the relationship. Why would you worry if you were planning on ending it? Yet, you didn't. I had/have to do it for you. I genuinely trusted you, respected you, but that doesn't matter now.

My belief's shit, I know, but you know what? It's shit I believe in and I don't give a fuck that you think otherwise because, hey, no one knows the absolute, 100% divine-or-not truth... but everyone believes and that's why I've been able to understand people: we may never agree with them, not always, but they always believe what they think is right.

So, in that note, you're scum.

So am I.

So is everyone.

And everyone is equal.

"I look around me, and, lo! on each visage, a Black Veil!" - Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Minister's Black Veil

If you managed to read ALL this without throwing your computer across the room, swearing, crying, or shrugging it off in one of your apathetic "I don't care" attitude bullshits, then congratulations! You deserve a real pat in the back.

Our friendship - no, no, wait, it never was one - is done. Period. Remove me from your AIM. Remove me from your friends list. Put me on your ignore list. PLEASE do because I will be doing the same thing and, really, I'd hate to be the only one to live the joy.

And, by the by, I don't care what you do, say, think, or believe. Believe everything you want about me or about your world. "He's an asshole, I knew it all along, thank God he's gone". Continue to believe that. I give two chickenshits about you, your thoughts, your entire existent being. Why should I when you never gave any about me?

So, how was it that you always say when you say goodbye? Oh, right. "Ta ta!"

And GOD ALMIGHTY I feel alive, happy, and free!

Not my most pure moment, but I'll honestly say it was one of my most honest.

Person Who Will Remain Anonymous,

Anger. This is what you make me feel. Why would you even try to become a part of something that so obviously is above you? I wouldn't mind if it looked like you were actually trying to better yourself and your abilities to match it, but you're not as far as I can see.

It's looks like you arrived on a whim, and suddenly you saw all of these good ideas, but you didn't even try to remain true to them. You just wanted to insert your power play into it to make sure you kicked everyone's asses. Maybe you should go back from whence you came or actually proofread your crap and edit it. Maybe you should also pay attention to the subject matter.

Aww. That's not so bad, Adrius. You were actually quite nice about the entire thing. Maybe if you'd met me around that point I could have given you some tips on being vicious. ^o_~^

Dear Mistake,

I lied when I said I wouldn't regret you.

Always and never,
Sigh

Sorry if I offend, but I have been offended, so I will in turn be offensive to this non-existent being who hath offended me through his disciples.
If you are easily offended with religion critics, please skip this letter. It is not directed toward you, but it will still, I'm sure, make you angry.

Dear non-existent being,

What a fucked up world we live in, where people can't take responsibility for their actions and instead attribute it to you. You don't even exist, yet somehow you run this world, my world, a world that refuses to recognize the reality that faces them everyday. Half of my family has fallen to your lies. Half of my family believes that dinosaurs didn't even exist, that these "fossils" were planted in the ground to test their faith! Oh, the irony: you don't even exist!

I, a man who does his best to do good in the world, to raise a loving family and to create things people can enjoy, am inherently evil because of my lack of faith in an imaginary being. I, a man who creates things, false people living in false worlds, am accused of evil for not believing in a false man from a false world. I am a minority. I am looked down upon by the world because I cannot see the "Truth." Oh, again, the irony! The truth of a non-existent being that leads the masses of the world around with a carrot dangling from a stick.

Am I so evil? Am I raising a son who will do evil in the world because I want to teach him of all fantasy worlds and non-existent beings of power, so he can see that they are nothing more than fantasy? Why must I hide who I am, what I know, because you have warped the minds of so many? How have you done what no living, existing being has ever done throughout the history of mankind? Why can I not, in turn, undo it? You are truly immortal: not because you do exist, and are invulnerable to harm of any sort, but because you have so fully established yourself in this world, among such diverse cultures, that no matter what happens you will never be forgotten. Despite your denial of its existence (again, the irony), evolution keeps you alive, evolution of their beliefs in you, of the teachings of an evolving book of fiction. I can't top that! I can't fix it, either.

You will never disappear. You will constantly challenge me, force me to prove my validity in a world that doesn't want my kind. What have I done wrong? What has my son done wrong? Can I write a story stating that none of us are sinners, that we are all inherently free to make our own destiny, and have that live through eternity? Can I set us free of your bonds? No. I am but a man. You are a giant. A giant, non-existent, evil, poisonous figment of too many imaginations for me to compete with.
But I promise you, non-existent being, that I will try.

Silvone E. Elestahr

I rather found it touching Silvone. I believe the same as you. If God so made the world in his image why is it that we are quite verily reprimanded for the things that we do wrong? Even when they are not by moral standards wrong yet are further dictated so by the Church which has become an idol in itself!

However, this is not a Religious debate and will carry on back towards the topic.

Dear Santa,

I feel I must apologize to the several thousand kids last Christmas who failed to receive your delivery on Christmas Day. Please believe me when I say that this year, I promise not to put laxatives in your milk and ipecac in your cookies.

Sorry again,
Sigh

[[Guys, the point of the thread is to write letters and not reply. You're doing good with the letters part, but the not replying part is. . . Well hey.]]

Dear therapist that I don't have,

how come I can act all cocky and normal, but in reality I'm like the biggest self conscious person around. How come no one notices it. Am I that good an actor?

I have wanted to change myself, have worked hard on it, is all I ever achieved becoming used to wearing masks?

I hate these masks. But I fear to lose friends that grew close to me if I ever let them fall. Could anybody even like me for what I am inside? I don't think I've ever shown it to anyone. I'm unsure on how to do it.

Really. I don't know how to be myself.


regards, Kaito.

Sensitive to those who are proud of their species

Spoiler:

Letter One

This, well this is for you,

It's been hell this summer, not hearing your voice and only seeing your face once (thank gawd for Facebook pics of mutual friends). I have to thank you now as I fear we may never see each other again. Thank you for being what I needed when I thought I was alone, thanks for coming into my life as that kindred spirit that proved to me that somebody cared becase they wanted to and only wanted my friendship in return. You didn't want the sexual being that a couple of names-not-needed idiots wanted. You laughed at my jokes, and made me laugh when I wanted to kill.

And, something I found just as important, thank you for accepting me. You know the truth, you were my first female crush, and you didn't break my heart by saying "no," you set me free enough to move on....unlike a certain boy who still makes me all fluttery inside.

Maybe I'm just confused, or just too hooked on having choices to hunker down and choose.

I love you, and not in that way that we talked about before, I love you as my best friend, my sister, my kindred.

I wish you happiness and bounty, even if I never see you again.

Bye, from your "Baby-Cakes."


Letter Two

Okay, what the fuck!
No really, what in the fuck!

I should have given up on you long ago, but there was always that little tug from you that told me not to. Franl;y, I don't think you knew you were doing, but you did it. I thought that I had actually moved on from you...had forgotten about you...and then I saw that picture of you. It was ungraceful, and even meant to gross the viewer out, but I turned into a giggly little school girl when I saw it. You know me, dammit, and you also know that you seem to be the only person who does that to me.

I'm not going to say I'm a bumbling idiot, but I don't think watching stand-up comedy makes me laugh as hard as being round you does. A certain mutual friend of ours probably thinks I'm just this side of stalker because I ask about you whenever you pop into my head.

At this point, I'm disappointed in myself because I keep accepting you the way you are even after you break down every last bullet of what I thought makes "my type" of guy. If I had him, I'd probably dump him in a heartbeat to have you. I'm beginning to realize that the way our friend feels about your sister is the way I feel about you...and I'm not as proud about it.

Also, please, just give me the yay or nay you should have given me so long ago when I confessed to you what I'd been holding back for four months at that point.

And, as much as I used to argue with you, I was alsways on your side.
~Your reluctant Fan Girl

Oops, I think I stepped in a little angst. I hope I didn't squish the thread.

Dear God,

I know I've fallen, in fact I fell way to long ago. But sometimes when I just needed something to believe in the only person who was there was myself. I've prayed to you so many times, my eyes full of tears and my heart full of hurt but it would only seem that you've turned your back on me. Forgive me father for I have sinned, but must I pay for it for the rest of my life? Must my one mistake haunt me to my grave? I know I will never forgive myself...why can't that be punishment enough? I wish I could just forget it all but I can't. When did believing become so hard? When did I start hating who I've become?

I just wish things could go back to the way they were before. But what use is praying if nobody hears you.

-Sigh

Dear Faith, Conviction, Guilt, False Hope… and others…

I fucking hate what you do to people.

~

Melancholy

Dear Good Friend,

We have a really great friendship. Our brains both web all over the place, and if one forgets that about which one was speaking, the other is often able to bring us back to that topic. We’re a great pair, and we compliment one another a lot. We’re both strong, intelligent women. I’m the more aggressive one with you being more passive, but that’s not to say we don’t occasionally switch roles.

When it comes to physical beauty, I think all three of us ((you, me, and our third great friend)) are all attractive in our own rights. I’m the pale, blond haired, blue eyed one who is the shortest of the three of us. You’re the olive skinned, light brown haired, blue-green eyed one who is the middle height of our group. Our third is pale like me with red hair, hazel eyes, and the tallest height. We compliment one another beautifully.

However, when it comes to talking about which of us is the “fairest of them all,” I just don’t do it. It’s completely tactless. Usually, I’m the blunt one who has no tact, but last night, that person was you. My dear friend, you are beautiful, but that doesn’t make you the best looking of all of us. I don’t mind that your boyfriend thinks you’re better looking than me. I would feel bad if he felt differently. After all, my boyfriend has told me that I’m better looking to him than you are. It’s the way it should be. Our men wouldn’t be very good boyfriends if they said some other woman was better looking than us, right?

Last night, you decided to add that “most” people have always thought that you’re the best looking one of our group. “Our group” currently is made of only you, me, and our third good friend though a fourth friend was also a part of that mixture in high school. While I can understand your saying that your past boyfriends have always felt that way, I don’t know where you get off saying that “most” people have said that.

You only had one example aside from your lover’s word. That example was when we were all fourteen and our group consisted of A, M, T, you, and me. The funny thing about your example is that when people would tell T and/or myself that the two of us were really attractive, T would be the one to say, “Yeah, but Laura’s really the prettiest of all of us.” In all honesty, I think she said that to make you feel better about having not received a compliment on your physical appeal.

The only other instance where I can think of a group of people stating that you were the most attractive was when you told me your boyfriend and the six other people inhabiting that house declared that you were the most attractive in a picture that no one from our group other than A and you were depicted. That picture was one that I took of your senior prom that had A, La, Le, and yourself, and you were absolutely gorgeous that day, so I’m not surprised that you took home the feel-good metal. In all honesty, you were so beautiful in those pictures that I probably wouldn’t have stood a chance against you in a contest of beauty, either.

However, on any given day, I’d say that our beauty is about equal. We both have different colouring and different body shapes, and you’re an inch taller than me, so obviously some people are going to think one of the two of us is better looking than the other depending on personal taste. I just thought it was really rude of you to say that “most” people have always thought you were the best looking of our group when you don’t even have the evidence to back the claim.

I don’t know if you were just trying to make me feel bad about myself or if you just had to say it because saying it to me would make it more real to you, but it was pretty messed up. I’m not really hurt about that, and I didn’t take a blow to my ego. It just sucks that there’s a possibility that you were purposely trying to hurt my feelings ((possibility to make yourself feel better)) when we’re supposed to be best friends. I purposely avoid “the fairest of them all” situations and conversations because I don’t want any of my friends to feel like they’re not as attractive as another friend or another person. When the subject of comparing physical beauty comes along, I usually find ways to make us all seem equal. I’m just shocked that you, the one of the two of us who usually has the most tact, wouldn’t be doing the same thing.

</3

To the one who invaded my heart and staked a flag, claiming her own small space.

See You, by Depeche Mode

All I want to do is see you again
Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to see your sweet smile
Smiled the way it was before

Well I'll try not to hold you
And I'll try not to kiss you
And I won't even touch you

All I want to do is see you
Don't you know that it's true

I remember the days when we'd walk through the woods
And sit on a bench for a while
I treasure the way we used to laugh and play
And look in each others eyes

You can keep me at a distance if you don't trust my resistance
But I swear I won't touch you

All I want to do is see you
Don't you know that it's true

Well I know five years is a long time
And that times change (oh that times change)
But I think that you will find
People are basically the same (basically the same)

If the water's still flowing, we can go for a swim
And do the things we used to do
And if I'm reluctant you can pull me in
And we can relive our youth

Oh but we'll stay friendly like sister and brother
Though I think I still love you
All I want to do is see you
Don't you know that it's true?

Dear Asshole,

Stop belittling me every chance you get. You've made your point; you don't like me. I don't like you, either, and I'm willing to bet that my dislike of you is stronger than yours of me. However, I'm content to keep my dislike of you between myself and those to whom I vent ((meaning: those I love)). I don't try to slander you among our mutual acquaintances behind your back or before your face.

I don't really understand your motivation behind it. I mean, you often like to maintain an air of superiority where I'm concerned. If you really see yourself as so above me, why do you need to continue to try knocking me further below yourself?

Oh... How silly of me... Maybe your conceded aura is just a show, a mask behind which you hide your true feelings of self-disgust? That's usually the case.

While I don't admit to liking myself, I like myself enough that I don't have to try to make you dislike yourself more than you already must. You're like a child. It's sad.

The only reason your insults bother me is because I feel like you're trying to drive me away from my favorite escape by turning others against me or by attacking me enough that I'll be so fed up with your crap that I'll limp away wounded and crying.

Well, I have news for you. Try as you may, I'm not going to back down. I've lost my respect for you, and I don't care that you're in a position of power. Continue your crap if you will, but I'm staying. I just thought you should know.

~ Kathryn

Dear Retrospection,

Why must your wisdom always be granted a day too late?

- Impulse

Dear God,

I need a bigger bottle. Mine's starting to leak...

Dear Robot,

I'm sorry that you still haven't realized your intelligence is artificial...

Dear girl,

Dear beauteous, nameless girl,

So many times I have seen the high-school soap operas,
Read the teenage pulp,
Always hearing and reading the same thing:
She doesn't even know I exist...
I had never known what it meant.
Never.
Until now.

I'd never had need to know. College is a strange thing;
I had grown up in a small town, where everyone goes to the same school,
Everyone knows each other,
There's no proper animosity; not really.
And then, suddenly, I'm whisked off to this college place, where everything's different.
Suddenly, I don't know anybody.
Suddenly, I'm on my own.
Suddenly.

But there, in English,
(Studies, the best class)
You sit every lesson, joking and laughing with your million friends.
You're beautiful.
You shine.

We discuss;
In the class of thirty, we're the only people who discuss.
We agree;
In a class of mindless, souless sheep, where the only people there are people chasing up their Certificate of Education so they can join some construction site, or...
(shudder)
... or the military...
In that class, we're the only people who seem to like what we're doing.
We read 1984.
We're the only people who enjoyed it.
We're reading Hamlet.
We're the only ones who haven't dismissed it as:
"Boring as fuck,"
or
"Too fucking old."
I mean, Wuthering Heights isn't my idea of fun either,
but at least I can read it for what it is.
We can read it for what it is.
Us.

But why then, since we share so much...
Since we're so fucking alike...
Why do I step into the cafeteria, trying to catch your eye,
And you don't even acknowledge me.
I go via the same route, every day:
Through the cafeteria sliding doors, past your table,
buy some food, go past back your table,
and you STILL don't notice?!!

Why?!!

Oh well.

Fuck it.

I give up.

From Acid Varrakin.

P.S. I've never written a letter before, and if I did, I don't suppose it would read anything like this.

Davy Jones,

I don't know why I love you, but I can no longer ignore the monster you have become.

Dear Population Control,

Why do you have to hurt so much?

Dear You

It'll happen one day...
Until then, I'll make a secret oath to keep chasing after you...

Love, Me...

P.S. Let's just hope we were meant to be...