The Thought bubbles of an idiot.

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The Thought bubbles of an idiot.






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so I've never really had a chance or tried blogging, so I thought I'd give it a try. It might be a chance to clear things up for myself. So here goes Smile


Last edited by Riekon on Sun Jun 27, 2010 8:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

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The Thought bubbles of an idiot. :: Comments

Post on Sun Jun 27, 2010 5:09 pm by Guest

Dear pixels

This is my first try at this, so its some thing new I'd give a try. I guess. ugh. So I guess, I just talk? Talk sounds good. I'll wait for some one to say "And how does that make you feel?" Those days were odd. Clearly I dont have a journal or anything of some sort... dont judge!

So just a week ago I spent my time in NYC doing just about nothing, I arrived there, after hell getting there. My little sister did NOT want to go, and my parents had to give up on a case, which they were NOT happy about. So the entire way there it was crying and bitching and I really wanted to punch someone in the face. The plane ride was aweful too, my sister is scared of hights (wtf spelling, dont judge me) and I had marks in my arm from her nails. Was bad

When we got there although, I was happy to step foot on the ground, my grandparents picked us up blah blah we went to their little small house and kinda chilled there. I have to say its MUCH nicer than Florida's heat. It was so nice. So then there was that day that my parents quit fought with their parents and finally everything chilled out.

Thursday was the funeral. I have nothing to say about it, I loved my Aunt, she was the best. I hate it when people cry.

We came home friday thankfully, and instantly my parents were gone, and everything is back to normal. It was stressful and ugly and the worst experience Ive ever had.

Random thing: I HATE the sound my mom makes when she eats something. she makes so much noise, not like biting and crunching but like slurps and like shes sucking crap off the top of my her gums, and then she licks her lips and her fingers and qbfhiejnwdw I dont like it
So nasty sounding when its so silent

Mm. My sister is sleeping though, which is good. she tends to get so annoying, but I love her so. She has Autism so its like.. handling a 7 year old that doesnt know danger if it smacked her in the face. Like today I was making tea and she bumped me, I spilled some hot water down my left arm and I have a long nasty blister. Its not cool :/

Hmm. What else?! OH I met a girl a few days ago though, on the plane back to FL. Her name was Rhianna, she was really nice, actually quite smart and funny. We talked a lot I suppose, she has a lot to say. We connected so fast too, it was kinda odd. But I learned she lives like 10 miles away, so we'll most likely hook up soon. I hope.

Yeah, I think thats all I have to complain about
I hope I get better at this XD

Sigh.

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Post on Sun Jul 11, 2010 6:37 pm by Guest

Dear Pixels

Lately I've been having problems with almost everything I do. Somethings just keep getting worse and worse. But Like Ive always believe: When you believe things can no longer get any worse, it just means that there is a lot of room to go upwards.

So I guess im trailing up the big hole I fell into, when I was around 10. Ever since the crash things just Flew down hill at mach speed. And now things are beginning to finally look better, 8 years later.

I've spent my whole life trying to survive without real parents. People who care, I had my older sister, and my younger. Who we all took care of together. But for once, the one moment i believed would only come in my dreams- My father actually apologized!

Apparently when I had lent my laptop to my mother she had went and dug through everything. First thing to my mind: Gee I cant even trust the women who gave birth to me. She went through my facebook notes, because I never log out of my facebook. Why would i? Its my frikken computer. And I did a good 2 years of bitching about them in there. In messages and notes, etc etc. Even in my email. She read it all. That whore.

BUT because she did, she told my father. Who quit his job (They're both lawyers) and he is going to stay at home and take care of my sister. He came to me yesterday and basically said sorry for everything. As if that would actually help and take back for everything hes done. Im basically done with them, im off to College! But eh, he gave me 25,000 $ for school. Which he said would just be the first bit. He said hes going to pay for it all. Now that hes willing to do that.. I wish he could of done it sooner- I could of made Juilliard.

But I suppose thats a great thing, i waited for ever for him to actually become a decent father, And now hes getting there step by step. "I realized that you were right; We were living in our own world. We had you, and at the time we really wanted kids. But we were never ready for the responsibility it called for. More and more we were making more good cases and doing good, and we just ignored you. Did what we had to, and continued back to the world we built for ourselfs. We were the rulers. We didn't want to be ruled."

I guess he was right, it takes balls for someone to actually say that, and specially a guy like my dad. He loves his pride and what not, its nice to know I made him feel bad. Ahaha. Sucker.. xD

Besides that, I also got surgery in my knee. Which was interesting, it happened really fast and I thought it would take longer but i wasnt even open for an hour. It was like..slice...dig dig.. replace.. toss.. glue it back up. And now im at home, the drugs are actually kinda nice ahah. Its made me a little loopy. But with the lack of ability to really move, im having issues. In 3 1/2 weeks im off to MA to move in with a friend for college. And I have to some how pack all my shit. Im contemplating on moving the flight date.. but eh I'll pack some how. Im already feeling a little better, though Im supposed to not move too much. I hate being stuck to a couch.

I love you mythbusters. I dont like the actors, i like just the two. but its interesting and kinda fun to watch. Anywho, I guess thats all. Not much of emotional mumbo jumbo but what ever.

I dont have a lot of like.. wisdom to speak of, to say altleast. On the world or anything, Im actually more wise about the earth and what not when people talk to me, i dont know why. What ever. This is a really bad attempt on blogging.
I dont even know.

Bleh.

What ever

Rie out !

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Post on Thu Aug 05, 2010 3:18 pm by Guest

Dear Pixels that destroy my eyes

Alot has really happened in this past month. So much to the point where I dont know where to start. So I'll pick up to where I last left off.

The Camp. I was requested to help teach piano at a Community college camp for Younger kids, 4th grade to hs. And there was a girl who was also teaching along with me. The first day I walked in Tammi, who I went to -to pay my piano instructor. Whom i know quite well, having 30 minute conversations before my lessons every thursday for 4 years. Introduced me to Chelsea Chacon. Her Daughter who I had already known much about. She looked to me, and I looked to her. And I found myself breath taken. She is so gorgeous. She has that milky brown hair that falls past her shoulders, which she doesnt do anything special too. Its a little wavy, not so much straight nor curly. She parts it right in the middle, doesnt even do the typical hair swoop thing girls tend to do. I dont even know what its called. What ever. Her eyes, captivating! Her eye brows perfect, her skin reminded me of coffee with a shit ton of creamer in it. Vanilla creamer to be precise. Her body slender, curvy, but not chunky. Just a model. She could easily be.

We sat down in the piano room, a room full of piano keyboards and one large ass grand. She sat and I looked to her "Impress me". And so she did. Her music, better than mine. Blowing me away with her passion and expertise within it. It was amazing. of course I made my comments on what she could improve. And she laughed "One up me" So I tried. But then agian, im a virgo. Im always entirely too critical on myself. She seemed to be amazed, I thought it was shit. But she went on and on about it.
That grand was pretty.

Afterwords, I began to really like her a lot. We spent every moment of that camp next to each other. And I even invited her over on sunday to watch Trueblood, which she was an avid fan of it. But sadly I was reminded each night, on my calendar "Days till Boston" and I knew, damnit all. I cannot have her.

But it wasnt until a friend of mine, convinced me to do something bold. I had thought about invited her with me to Boston. She has family there, not far from where Id be residing. And I thought "Gosh i wanna do it " and so she convinced me. Me, a typical romantic idiot. Knocked on her door at 10pm, she was like "Wtf?" in her boxers and tank top. And I took her out to dinner, and popped her the question.

Fell to one knee and grinned. "Come with me to Boston. I'll pay for it all" and here I am now, this gorgeous girl laying in bed with me. Though that is as far as Im willing to say in this blog XDD

Our relationship is beginning to evolve each day, and I shall not try to explain what I feel about her. Something unexplainable, and something I cannot imagine to ever sketch and finish.

But besides that, those who read this may be happy. But after the sudden great things, the world balances out. I lost my younger sister, the one with Autism. Anna. Who I basically raised my entire life and took care of. I love her very much, and I will not say much more than;

I loved you when you were born and i love you now. It is you and only you that has ever brought me true happiness. Your smile, your silly little dancing when I play for you. Shall my tunes for ever repeat in your head, and you continue to dance and shine in the heavens. Rest in Peace, Anna.

She died 2 nights ago, Slipping on my Dogs water bowl, and hit the side of the table, cutting the side of her head open. She bled to death, and wasn't discovered until the morning, around 9am. She hit the table some time around 1-2am.

I broke my fathers nose for letting it happen. And now Im facing depression. I am surrounded by those who care, and are keeping me from killing myself. but thats what ever

who ever is reading this, it may be the last thing I post on FoG for a long time. I will be back, how ever I must deal with my own issues first. Id go deeper into my emotions and let them spill, but I have no desire to. I dont wish to care any longer, as I am afraid of what will become of me.
Take care

Nick.


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