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A FOG Writing Contest - Ghost Stories *WINNER*

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The Melancholy Spirit
Kathryn Lacey
mysticaldragonmagic
Dio the Awesome
Reffy
MoiraofWords
Kalon Ordona II
Ragter the junior greeter
Ab'Sinthe
Hello Danger
Sunwolf007
Kædai
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Fate Flyer
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A FOG Writing Contest - Ghost Stories *WINNER* - Page 5 Empty Re: A FOG Writing Contest - Ghost Stories *WINNER*

Post by Ragter the junior greeter Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:41 pm

Oh, shoot, I wasn't here on the 14th...

Uh, anyways, yeah, I'd like a critique, guys, I know I can be better and would like to know how I can improve.

Congrats to Hello Danger as well!
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Post by Weiss Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:46 am

Kathryn Lacey wrote:I also want to add that it was already said that it didn't have to be a traditional ghost story in the sense of spookiness and such. We were told it only had to have ghosts in it.

Fate Foretold wrote:The theme of this contest, in relation to the upcoming Halloween holiday, is ghosts. Other horrific, supernatural, and paranormal ideas are also welcome, though ghosts and spirits must be included in some way.

Fate Foretold wrote:Nope, there is no specific genre in place, though horror would fit the bill easiest, but you could still write an action-packed ghostly tale or one more like a mystery or a drama, etc. You're also welcome to submit a past written work, so long as it fits the requirements.

What it comes down to is how well the judges felt you met the requirements that Fate mentioned. It's true that Fate didn't say the ghosts needed to be the main characters of the entries; however, it was stated that the theme was ghosts.

theme
1. a subject of discourse, discussion, meditation, or composition; topic.
2. a unifying or dominant idea, motif, etc., as in a work of art.

In other words, the story should be about ghosts, right? She said that other supernatural or paranormal ideas were welcome, but that doesn't change that the theme was ghosts. Thus, how inclusive your story was of ghosts ultimately decided, in each judge's mind, how well your story fit the theme. Each of us had different standards, so each of us judged differently. Such is the quintessential purpose of having multiple judges.


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Post by Reffy Tue Nov 17, 2009 1:28 pm

Thankies KO Very Happy

Glad you got the creepiness of it and enjoyed the Latin (was worried about that) I did use a lot of repetitive stuff on purpose - as you picked up on. The descriptions were difficult because of the tense, which is where I mostly slipped up. Still - it was fun to write.

Didn't intend to break the tense several times. I'm really bad at doing that - like really really bad actually Very Happy Practice makes perfect. I have been experimenting with a lot of different writing styles/tenses lately so it is pretty messy.

Only one comment I can make - about the reason for the journey. What I wrote is intended to be a traditional "CreepyPasta" Ritual/Rite/Journey. I wanted to write a CreepyPasta specifically for this competition because I knew it would be fun and vastly different from everybody else. Traditionally Ritual/Rite/Journey CreepyPasta's don't have a reason for the journey. That is up to the reader to decide. ( http://www.creepypasta.com/category/rites-rituals/ for examples )

Thank you guys for sharing the feedback and critique Very Happy Feeling pretty damn good about my piece - even if it didn't win - it had the right effect on the readers. It isn't the winning for me - its the improving and telling a good tale. cheers

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Post by Ragter the junior greeter Wed Nov 18, 2009 7:22 pm

Thanks for the critique Weiss. I'm actually kind of glad you liked it, since I doubted I had major skill at this. I'm going to have to work on the grammar, but, eh, that's why I'm in high school, to learn these kinds of things.

If I ever decide to redo this, I might have to start with Elijah right after he didn't chase after the one he wanted..

Again, congrats to everyone else, and I want to add, this was surprisingly fun for me to do.
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Post by Weiss Thu Nov 19, 2009 5:58 am

Since it's been brought to my attention, I'd like to point out that I was incorrect in my statement that "had had" was a grammatical error in Kathryn's entry. While it doesn't change any of the scores, I didn't want anyone to be misled by my mistake.

"Had had" is, apparently, the past perfect form of "have". Thus, when used properly to that effect, it is acceptable. My apologies for the mistake, and a thanks to Kathryn for pointing it out and citing a reference.

EDIT: This is why I shouldn't do things at such ridiculous hours of the morning. I had completely forgotten that the in-depth review wasn't even posted here. Thus, no one except Kathryn and myself would even understand the context for this post... Anyway...carry on. Neutral


Last edited by Weiss on Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:49 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Post by Kathryn Lacey Thu Nov 19, 2009 11:41 am

Not a problem. ^^_^^

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Post by Kalon Ordona II Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:48 am

Beneath the Howling Stars ~ by Ab'Sinthe
~ Critique by Kalon Ordona II ~
Spoiler:
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Post by Guest Tue Nov 24, 2009 5:42 am

Don't forget mine, Kalon! I would like to know what you think Wink

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Post by Sunwolf007 Tue Nov 24, 2009 12:59 pm

As well as mine. I would also like to know what you thought.
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Post by Kalon Ordona II Wed Nov 25, 2009 1:16 am

I was getting to your guys' next! Very Happy
I'll edit this post.

Edit:
Actually for tonight I'll just do Silvone's and Hello Danger's.

Just for the record, if I had been given Gold, Silver and Bronze medals to pass out to who I thought authored the three top entries for this Ghost Stories contest, I would award them thusly:

Gold: Hello Danger, for Loved to Death
Silver: Silvone Elestahr, for The Dance of Death
Bronze: Kathryn Lacy, for Anima 0027

The Dance of Death ~ by Silvone Elestahr
~ Critique by Kalon Ordona II ~
Spoiler:

Loved to Death ~ by Hello Danger
~ Critique by Kalon Ordona II ~
Spoiler:
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Post by Kathryn Lacey Wed Nov 25, 2009 11:09 am

Aww. That makes me feel good about myself. ^^_^^

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Post by Guest Thu Nov 26, 2009 4:26 am

Thanks for the feed back, Kalon Smile It seems my biggest mistake with the story was the abrupt ending. I've never been that good with endings though. I just don't really know how to properly end them. Now that I've got most of my other writing problems fixed, perhaps I should focus on that one...

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Post by Kalon Ordona II Sat Nov 28, 2009 3:00 am

Phenomenon of Undeterminable Resolve Extractors
(P.U.R.E.) ~ by Sunwolf007

~ Critique by Kalon Ordona II ~
Spoiler:

The Subtle Ripples ~ by Ragter the junior greeter
~ Critique by Kalon Ordona II ~
Spoiler:

Parts 1 & 2 ~ by Deadman - D17
~ Critique by Kalon Ordona II ~
Spoiler:

All these are just my opinion.
Keep in mind that we're attempting to judge among eliterates. study Normal people can't even write a letter, let along a short story! xD Congratulations, one and all! cheers

Big round of applause!! Clap
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Post by Sunwolf007 Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:07 pm

Thanks for the reviews! It helps a lot when setting out to write a new story to see what you did well and what you didn't do well.
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