Pun-blishment

This was posted in my blog, but since work is nearly as boring as watching paint dry, I plan on thinking up puns in my spare time. I plan to update them here. These may all go into a pun book eventually, if I get enough of them. Here we go. Oh, and feel free to add any pun you know. I promise I won't steal them. *Wink*

Here we go!

PUN-BLISHMENT!

A special thanks to a friendly think tank who helped polish some of these: Jeremiah Pozzolo

If you would just play along and say, "Did you hear..." in front of everyone. I'm too lazy to type it out 30 times.


Did you hear...

The one about the tombstone inscriber who was eaten by a zombie?
Yeah, he made a grave error.

The one about the race car driver who only used a truck?
Yeah, it had some real pick-up.

The one about the Greek God who became a mechanic?
Yeah, he could really tighten.

The one about the anarchist who could only form simple sentences?
Yeah, he was a rebel without a clause.

The one about the poker player who took laxatives?
Yeah, he was hoping for a flush.

The one about the hunter who got advice from a psychic?
Yeah, she told him to bear it in mind.

The one about the geologist who left the gravel quarry?
Yeah, he became really sedimental.

The one about the priest who went to go exorcise a kitchen appliance?
Yeah, he said he'd cross that fridge when he came to it.

The one about the musician who would ride a mythical bird every concert?
Yeah, he was a rocstar.

The one about the narcoleptic viking?
Yeah, he always charged into battle with his warhammock.

The one about the native punk rocker?
Yeah, he was the last of the mohawkans.

The one about the toddler who became a Middle Eastern warlord?
Yeah, he was Lawrence of Ababia.

The one about the hiker who put a shield over his portable stove?
Yeah, he wanted to protect himself from the elements.

The one about the computer program who wanted to become a Jedi?
Yeah, he was called Obi-wan Adobe

The one about the trail who killed people?
Yeah, is was a psychopath.

The one about the new species of plant who got its picture in National Geographic?
Yeah, it had some great photosynthesis.

The one about the asphalt ranch?
Yeah, it had the best roadeo in town.

The one about the paperboy who was arrested for loitering?
Yeah, he was delivering stationary.

The one about the hunter who went into the sewers?
Yeah, he was looking for the aqueducks.

The one about the pyrotechnic who blew the leg off a priest?
Yeah, he was excommunicated for being a blast-phemer.

The one about the bull who caused a car accident?
Yeah, he forgot how to steer.

The one about the bill that prevented camels from being used to traffic drugs?
Yeah, it was the law that broke the camels crack.

The one about the man who bribed a psychic to tell him what he wanted to hear?
Yeah, he went to a say-wants.

The one about the barber who installed a guillotine at her shop?
Yeah, it was for customers who were very knaughty.

The one about the astronomer who asked his child the times for sunrise and sunset?
Yeah, it takes son to know sun.

The one about the banquet they had at the furniture makers convention?
Yeah, it was very chairful.

The one about the drummer who would beat on his stomach to play music?
Yeah, he played to the beat of his own tum.

The one about the lamp who would fill in for the moon when it was sick?
Yeah, it never complained once, it said it was light work.

The one about the pony who screamed and screamed because she couldn't ride the roller coaster?
Yeah, you could say she was a little hoarse.

The one about the electronics engineer who was electrocuted while working with LED's?
Yeah, he was lucky he didn't diode.

The one about the empty beer bottle who was partying with his friends?
Yeah, he was pretty drunk.

Mini update:

Did you hear the one about the immature frog who bought a heater?
Yeah, he was a tad cold.

Did you hear the one about the Deity who was a little slow?
Yeah, he was a Dummy-God.